New Moon Hating

I'm totally going to talk about spoilers for the entire Twilight series in this post, so be ye warned. If you haven't seen "New Moon" yet and want to see it with fresh eyes, then, uh, I'd come back here tomorrow.

So here's the deal. I have read all 4 Twilight books. I totally get their appeal, but I also think they kind of suck. I spent most of my time reading those books either hating Edward or Bella or both. Bella is so whiny and ungrateful in the beginning of New Moon, that I wanted to throw the book across the room. And when she was depressed about Edward leaving her? It literally took me months to get through that section. I just wanted to shake her and yell, "Snap out of it, stupid!" It's pretty safe to say I'm Team Jacob. He's kind of a jerk too, but at least he's not a stalking control freak like a certain sparkly, blood sucking tool.

So I went into the movie knowing I would probably dislike it. As I mentioned yesterday, I thought the Twilight movie was TERRIBLE. The book was much, much better. But I figured the production value HAD to have gone up since the budget was bigger, so I had kind of high expectations for a good movie despite the vapid plot.

And it was...better than Twilight. Sort of.

I liked:
- Taylor Lautner as Jacob. He is HOT even if he is underaged. And he has so much more chemistry with Kristen Stewart as Bella than Robert Pattinson as Edward. I think movie Jacob is less of a jerk than book Jacob, so that helps as well. I thought he was sweet and likable and totally swoon worthy.

- Kristen Stewart's hair. I may hate her acting, but her hair was fabulous.

- Charlie is really likable. I always read him as being older in the books, so it's still really jarring (to me) to see this young guy as her dad. He comes across as a great dad who loves his daughter and I really, really, really like that.

- The wolf pack were fun and light hearted. I wish they had gotten more screen time.

I disliked:
- Edward. Dude. EDWARD. I don't remember hating Edward as much in the first movie so either Robert Pattinson has gotten worse as an actor or I really do just hate Edward. The scene where he thinks Bella is dead? He lurched around like Frankenstein. And how am I supposed to take him seriously when he's wearing a red bathrobe for the Volturi scenes? And...did he not work out? Edward is supposed to be all chiseled and insanely beautiful. And..no. Just no. He took off his shirt at the end and I was all...PUT IT BACK ON! And the scene where Alice shows Aro future Edward and Bella? Are you kidding me? Running in slow motion in A KHAKI VEST? I wasn't alone in thinking that was completely ridiculous. The entire theater laughed. He just seemed so weird and distant and awkward. I didn't buy that he was mega in love with Bella. And I certainly didn't buy that he was the most beautiful guy on the planet.

- Bella. She was more likable this time around and I think it's because she spends most of the movie with Jacob. And like I mentioned earlier, Kristen Stewart has better chemistry with Taylor Lautner. Or it could be because Jacob is FUN and DOESN'T TELL HER WHAT TO DO AND CONTROL HER, OMG. But Bella still grates. And I hate the way Kristen Stewart portrays her with the shaking and the compulsive blinking. Stay still and look straight ahead, girl. (But your hair is super lush!)

- Ghost Edward. GO AWAY. So, so, so cheesy. It was so weird to see his disembodied head floating around. And when he floats up to her in the water? My jaw dropped because it was so stupid.

- The vampire make up. Edward looked sick. Not hot. And what did they do to Jasper? He looked RIDICULOUS. These people are supposed to be BEAUTIFUL not pasty. Again, I'm not alone in this because there were several snickers in the audience when Jasper first showed up on screen for his three minutes of screen time. And Rosalie looked TERRIBLE. Definitely not the most beautiful woman in the world.

- No Jacob and Bella kiss. I know this doesn't happen in the book, but movies are allowed to take artistic license and deviate from the plot. I want consensual hot werewolf kissing. (Because lo, do I hate Jacob for forcing Bella to kiss him in Eclipse. That is not cool on a myriad of levels, but I'll cover that when I go to see Eclipse on opening night and then make fun of it for hours afterwards.) But seriously, why else do you go to these movies if not for the kissing?

So! Those are my thoughts. Yours? I realize other people like these movies way more than I do. The girl I was sitting next to was CRYING during the movie. CRYING. And she got all verklempt when Edward proposed. Come on! You know she says yes. Just wait until June when Eclipse comes out. Geez.

It WAS fun to go see it with all of the people who were into it because there was a lot of cheering and clapping and giggling, especially when Jacob took his shirt off. And I saw it with two of my friends who also thought it was cheesy, so it was fun to snark on the movie on the ride home. Like I said, I'll be back for Eclipse next year, so even though I nit pick the movies, I do it out of love.