Sunday, October 26, 2008


One day you'll get married. And then you'll get pregnant. And then your house will kind of deteriorate. But it will be okay because your mother-in-law will graciously come to your house to help.

Except that there are some items in your house that are for married couples only. Items that were given to you on your bachelorette party. Such as a book. With, ahem, explicit material. So it's not something you really want someone to see. Particularly someone such as your mother-in-law.

But your husband assures you that he found said book in time and hid it. No worries!

So later that day when your mother-in-law is folding your laundry, she looks down and sees a book! She thinks it's an almanac! So she picks it up! And starts to read it! And you realize that when your husband said "hide" he meant "left it RIGHT WHERE SHE CAN FIND IT."

And then you die.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


As I mentioned in my last post, we are having our big mid point ultrasound on November 4th. I thought this was brilliant because I didn't have school or class on that day and it was only two weeks away. My parents had mentioned wanting to come up for the big event, but I assumed they wouldn't be able to with only two weeks notice. Which was a shame, but I wasn't overly upset about it. After all, Alex and I haven't even seen the baby yet. So I was okay with just the two of us (and the ultrasound tech) getting the first glimpse of our offspring. Plus, I assumed my parents were all talk. I moved up here in 2002. Six, VERY LONG years ago. My parents did not come visit me until 2007. (And that was because I was getting married.) That's right, it took them five years to even bother entering the same state I resided in. In fact, 2007 marked my father's very first visit to the STATE OF OHIO despite the fact that his only child had moved there in 2002. So yeah, when we scheduled the ultrasound, I assumed that a mere two weeks notice would not be enough to get them back up here. After all, the first trip took FIVE YEARS for them to make.

You know where this is going right? I've set it up enough, haven't I?

HOLY CRAP, MY PARENTS ARE COMING BACK. And with less than two weeks notice. I was so shocked when my dad told me that all I could say was, 'Oh?' I told Alex and I thought his eyes might pop out of his head. Because my parents? Coming up here? Only a year and two months after their last visit?

This is not the issue. The REAL issue is the date of the ultrasound. November 4th. Remember, I scheduled this when I assumed my parents could not come. Now my parents are coming. ON ELECTION DAY.

My parents are Republicans. I mean RE.PUB.LI.CANS. During the last election, my mom actually asked me if I voted for the "right" candidate. Fortunately, she never specified WHO the "right" candidate was, so I was able to answer "yes" without hesitation. They love W. They hate Clinton. I remember watching the election night results when Clinton won his second term and my dad was disgusted, DISGUSTED, that Bob Dole was losing. BOB DOLE, YOU GUYS. That's how conservative my family is.

And while I may have grown up in a super conservative family, I did not marry into one. I married into a currently pro-Democratic family. A family who campaigns for Obama. A family who has signs for Obama in their front yard.





Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Decision '08 or '09

You know what's difficult? Studying for an open book test. Especially when I'd rather do ANYTHING but school work. Plus, I feel stupid going over the material because I'll think, "Oh, I should memorize that. Wait. I don't have to!" So I'm having trouble finding a happy medium for this test. At least it'll be over in a few hours.

In other news, we had our monthly OB appointment last night. I'm a big fat porker, in case you were wondering. They also took MORE BLOOD for genetic testing and we heard the heartbeat, which has slowed down. We're down to the 140's, which terrifies me because I feel as though that confirms it's a boy. And clearly I love boys, but birthing a boy means that we'll have to actually NAME said boy and if there is one thing in this universe that Alex and I DO NOT AGREE ON is boy names. Yeesh. I spent part of yesterday morning looking up boy names in a frantic attempt to get the negotiations re-opened in Baby Needs A Name '09. Because I am suddenly, unequivocally convinced it's a boy. And then yesterday evening's appointment only added to my suspicions. (And I know we have time, but I am obsessive.)

But! The good news is we won't have to wait too much longer to find out if it is indeed a boy or a girl because we finally (FI.NAL.LY.) scheduled an ultrasound! So November 4th is not just Election Day, but also See Our Baby Day. I am very pleased that it is a mere two weeks away because I have been holding off on looking at nursery decoration ideas until we found out the sex. Plus, I don't know why, but I just feel like I'm still somehow being tricked. As if the baby is not real. And I am thinking that once I actually see the baby, then I will actually believe that a real, live baby is the end result of this whole process. We have yet to purchase a single baby item because I just...don't believe it. Like this is the world's most elaborate Punk'd. (In addition to being obsessive, I am also crazy.)

So mark your calendars! November 4th we get to decide on a new president and we get to see the Sandpalace baby. It'll be a day for the ages.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Weddings are ALWAYS awkard for me

Alex and I have gone to two weddings in the last two weeks. They were both lovely, but very different. However, they had one thing in common. The first time I spoke to the brides the first words out of their mouths were, "Congratulations!" Which is incredibly kind because I am supposed to be congratulating them on their big day. But before I could even get the words out of my mouth, they both congratulated me immediately. It was an incredibly odd feeling because hello! Backwards! But also terribly nice as well. But then awkward because I am unable to handle myself well in social situations so I was like, 'Hrm, no! Congratulations to YOU!'

Friday, October 17, 2008

Furminate Me

So. We have two dogs. And one is very, very, very hairy. I would love to post pictures of him and his hair, but that would mean I'd have to have pictures on this computer, which I don't. But trust me when I say that Murphy is very hairy. Super hairy. Extremely hairy. The hairiest dog I have ever met in my entire life. And he sheds this hair daily. Perhaps hourly. It is probably the most difficult thing I had to adjust to when I moved in with Alex. There is ALWAYS dog hair SOMEWHERE. I feel like I can't keep the floor clean. Or the couch. Or any other surface that Murphy goes near. We could have created ten Murph's by now if we had been collecting his hair. I have daydreamed, like yes, literally DAYDREAMED about removing all of his hair. I've tried to convince Alex to get him shaved. I bought a brush and attempted to brush his unruly mane into something manageable. We tried vacuuming him. Nothing worked.

And then! Then! Dooce talked about the Furminator and I immediately sent the link to Alex. But it was kind of pricey and we weren't positive it would work. Murphy's hair seemed like it would always be a part of our lives. Until I got pregnant and began making threats of sending Murphy off to a farm to live if we didn't figure out some way to control his CONSTANT SHEDDING THAT WILL GET ON THE BABY, OH MY GOD OUR BABY CANNOT LIVE IN A HOUSE THAT IS INFESTED WITH MURPHY HAIR. Alex slowly began to realize that his wife was insane and if spending some money on a de-shedding tool would help lower the crazy, then it was well worth. Plus! Slickdeals said it was sale at Amazon!

So yesterday our Furminator came in. Alex bathed Murphy because he is amazing while I sat on the couch and wished I was no longer pregnant (because I am PUKING AGAIN. PUKING. I am 16 weeks pregnant! There should no longer be any puking!) because he is awesome like that. I may or may not have chanted "Furminate! Furminate!" over and over again while Murphy dried off. And then it was time to begin the magic.

And y'all, I should have taken pictures.

This thing is AMAZING. A-MAAAAAZ-ING. I have never seen anything take that much hair off a dog at one time. I would have taken pictures except I thought it was a little gross, so I opted to just throw the hair away instead. But believe me when I say that it was the most satisfying experience of possibly my entire life. I am going to write the creators of the Furminator a love note and seal it with a kiss because my life is so much better now. I also used it on our 8 pound, short haired dog who also does her fair share of shedding herself and was again, AMAZED at how much of her undercoat came off. I kept brushing her and yelling, "Look! Look at this! It's amazing!"

So if you have pets who shed, I HIGHLY recommend investing in a Furminator. It might seem pricey for a "brush," but it is worth it. We should have gotten the large version, because the medium one seemed a little small for Murphy. They also make them for cats too, and if we had a cat, I can guarantee there'd be another Furminator in the mail and headed towards our house this very second.

Although I must say Murphy did not enjoy the experience. Which is bad for him because I cannot WAIT to attack him with it again next week. All the while maniacally laughing.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Officially Tagged

Jodi tagged me in a meme (how do you say that word!?) in which I am to tell you seven random things about myself. This should be pretty easy as I am a random person, but I am feeling pressure to not only be random, but "unique" and "fun" too.

1. I will listen obsessively to Heart's "Alone" and Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." Those songs get stuck on repeat in my head. Often.

2. I have terrible bags under my eyes and I have no idea how to get rid of them. But they bug me. Every morning and I look at my face and think, "Why does the skin under my eyes have to be a different color from the rest of my entire face?"

3. I can't stand for my nails to get too long. I freak out and rip them off. Incidentally, I always have ugly nails.

4. I want a girl. There, I said it. I have tried to be open minded, but I really hope we have a baby girl in March. I'm not sure why because girls will only lead to heartache as she and I will THROW DOWN about clothes...and boys...and curfew once she reaches her teenage years, but still, I can't help it. I think it's because my mom and I got along really well and I like our bond and I hope to be that to my daughter some day. (Awwww! Sap!)

5. I hate Chipotle.

6. I am constantly reconsidering new careers. Even though I am going into massive debt for a new career as we speak, I still look for other jobs and day dream about how much fun they might be. Even though I know I'll probably always hate my job no matter what, it's still fun to imagine it.

7. I *heart* Kenneth the Page on 30 Rock. I don't know why. The hair? The accent? The naivete? Whatever it is, his scenes are almost always my favorite on the show.

I'm supposed to tag 7 people, but let's get real here. I generally have a one sided relationship with blogs. I have a VAST number of blogs that I check daily and even though some of them are of people I vaguely knew in college, I doubt they read mine. So I'll pass on tagging others. Although this probably means I'm going to have bad luck for the next seven years or something now.