Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Leaving in a '99 Corolla

Y'all! I've been so flipping busy that I've ignored the internet and now I've got to go out of town and will have to ignore you some more! I'm heading down to the most fantastic state in the union to celebrate the wedding of a dear college friend. I will also be hanging out with lots of old college friends...all of whom I have not seen in AT LEAST a year. We will exchange war stories and diatribes about our time at OBU. We will eat a lot of food and consume a lot of caffeine. We will complain about being adults and giggle about how we're really not grown ups yet. It will be, in a word, AWESOME.

Pictures and stories when I return. Or possibly while I'm there since our hotel is supposed to have internet. Yahoo!

Also...Jenny Crow? SO SAD you won't be there! :( I will act extra silly to make up for your absence.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


Today is a day when I really miss college. Not because I have a hankering for higher learning, but because I miss the freedom college afforded. When it's a lovely day like today, you want to go outside and relax. And in college I had the option of doing so! You could stare longingly out the window during class dreaming of the Mexican blanket and the chance to chill out on the grass and talk to passers by. And then you could fulfill that longing later in the day. Now I stare longingly towards where I know a window is located and pretend I can see the sunshine. I then think about how the Mexican blanket is in my closet and I don't really want to get it out. I mean, I guess I could sit outside with it at my apartment complex, but then I'd have to be wary of goose poop. And that stuff is toxic. (Side note: I have a fiery passion about geese. I hate them. They're honking and their arrogance is so irritating. But I can't bring myself to run them over with my car. However, I have thought about it flooring it and mowing them all down in a blue flash of Sentra glory.) I'd also have to wary of weird neighbors, who are less toxic, but possibly more annoying. I know this goes with the territory of being with a grown up, but it's not an aspect I particularly enjoy. Mainly because I have an uncontrollable desire to run around and act stupid and possibly find a swing set. But I can't because I need to make the money for the rent. Responsibility blows sometimes.

But here's the flip side. Thank GOD I can pay my own rent and not have to live with total strangers and mooch off their goodwill. So I am willing to sacrifice the good times with the Mexican blanket during the weekdays in order to do whatever I want on the weeknights. I love the luxury of having a messy room and a hellbeast dog. LOVE IT. And that makes the sacrifice worth it.

But still, on days like today when the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing, don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter

Capers and I wanted to wish you a Happy Easter today. Except, really, Capers didn't want to do it. Only I wanted to wish you a Happy Easter. But I don't care what Capers thinks or wants, mainly because she has been known to crawl onto my sleeping form and then try to eat my hair. So I forced her to pose for the picture because I'm mean and cruel and generally heartless. Also, I'm petty like that. Payback's a bitch, cat.
She IS really pretty though, isn't she?

This year for Easter, I went to BGF's church for Sunday morning service. Church sucked for two reasons.

1) It was hotter than a ham sandwich in there.
2) I had to listen to a story about a baby bunny getting killed by a cat. Yes, the Easter sermon featured the horrid tale of a helpless baby bunny getting visciously killed by a cat. Awesome!

In other news, I wore a cute outfit today and here is a picture of me looking oh-so-lady like and secretly thinking that I look hot in that ethereal kind of way.
See how light and airy this outfit is? Very cute, I thought. Unfortunately, the ladies at church must not have agreed with my fashion sense, because I was greeted with several disapproving looks throughout the morning. I mentioned this to BGF on the way to his family's house and wondered aloud if maybe I looked slutty? He replied, "Well, maybe that's why you were sweating so much in church."

Happy Easter everyone!

Saturday, April 15, 2006


I just purchased not one, but two (2!) Ashlee Simpson songs on iTunes. What is wrong with me!? Why can't I resist the hook of "I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend!?" Why did I just put it on my MySpace page? Why do I think "L.O.V.E." is a fun (albeit insipid) song? Gah! I'm sensing an intervention in the near future.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Rock n Roll

I decided a week or two ago that I needed to get my haircut. Surprisingly, I didn't think that thought, shrug my shoulders, and forget about it for the next, oh, year and a half. Instead, I took action. Granted, it took me a few weeks to act, but that's a vast improvement on a bunch of months. I made a bunch of phone phone calls and visits this weekend trying to find the best deal. (I am still poor, you know.) After I got the numbers, I then decided indecisive! I spent nearly the entire weekend thinking AND saying, "I don't know. You think? I'm not sure. Maybe. I probably shouldn't. But then again. No. It's a waste of money. But it'll be so fun. Welllll, maybe I will." Trust me, I was the life of the party.

Yesterday, I chose to bite the bullet and make an appointment at the salon I got my hair cut at last year. They did a good job and I was pretty sure I could trust them. I walked in knowing that I wanted highlights and shorter hair and that was it. I figured I'd just basically have my same layered look, only shorter.

But then I got the most awesomely awesome stylist of the salon and all that conservative thought went right out the window. I picked out a shade much more blonde than I had envisioned and was then left alone with a book of hairstyles. Why did she do this? Was she deliberately trying to get me to pick something I might regret in the morning? The answer, "Yes."

Two hours later, I left with what can only be described as a rock-n-roll haircut. It's way edgier than anything I've ever had and far more bold than I am used to.

Here I am looking a tad demure and a tad tousled. Sexy!

Here is the profile with my naturally upturned nose that I can thank my dear, dear mother for.

Check out the back! All shaggy and straight and edgy!

And finally, here's the top of my head. See that look of love? Like a mother looking at her child? I'm looking at Parsnip. Not my iPod like many of you suspected.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

More Ways to Waste Your Time

I've only just discovered this site, and much to my dismay, it's been going on for quite a while and I've been blisfully unaware. It's really great and funny and I'm totally enamored with it. So, go, learn about things my girlfriend and I have argued about.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Office Space

I'm still getting used to my new job and the dynamics of working in the office. I like the people I work with, I really do. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by nice people, most of whom I can stand to be in the presence of. (Check out the ending of that sentence! A preposition just hanging there in the balance! I make my professors proud cause I learnt real good!) The problem is that I don't think the feeling is mutual. I get left out of a lot of stuff...lunch orders, betting pools, etc. People will be conversing about things I know about; Pop culture things that get my blood racing and the sarcastic comments flowing and then...they don't talk to me. They don't really want my opinion; they just want to talk over my head. I know part of it is because I'm shy and quiet and I'm a transfer and friends with a VP's kid. I get that. I'd probably be leery of me too. But since I'm naturally a social recluse, I'm struggling to find ways to jump in there. And I'm trying. But the problem is that things aren't going well.

What I'm saying is that I wind up sounding like an idiot most days. I'll jump into a conversation and they'll look at me like, "Who are you again?" I pop my head up when people start talking about stuff I can relate to and am ceremoniously ignored. Which leads to me looking like one of those moles in the arcade that you bonk on the head.

Example: I needed something from one of my co-workers today. He was kind enough to go get it and bring it to me. Score, right? He didn't have to do that and I certainly didn't ask him too. I was actually just expecting him to tell me where to go look. So I was already in a good mood and appreciative for the help. So he brings the stack of papers over and plops it on the edge of my desk, sending a pink pen flying off into the trash can. It was pretty funny and dramatic. He fumbled around and had to retrieve the pen from the trash, so I said, "Way to throw the pink pen in the trash can!" I was expecting a smartass remark back, but instead he gesticulates and moves his mouth, but no sounds come. None. Silence. Then he turns and walks away. AWKWARD. (Now, in his defense, I thought I said it in my best good nature/teasing/sarcastic voice. But after it was said and done, I realized I sounded breathy and nervous. I never could make it on American Idol with those kinds of nerves!)

But here's the thing, this guy can handle teasing. He once told my boss to blow him, for crying out loud. It's not like he's missing a sense of humor or that the art of sarcasm is lost on him. And yet, when I jump in that arena with him, he makes inaudible cries for help and flees. Ok, ok, so it wasn’t the wittiest comment ever, but again, this is the guy who thinks “Blow me” is an appropriate response when told to do something. He's not a master of the eloquent. And he curses an insanely large amount at the office. I've never heard the "F" word used so much in a workplace in my life. (Isn't it so cute who I won't write the explicative out? I'm adorable!)

And later today, he and a few other people were gathered around a computer giggling and joking about some MySpace someone had found. And I sat in my corner with my laptop and typed furiously.

So maybe next time I should use an explicative or make a sexual reference when I try joking around. Think that'll work?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Follow Up

Remember the German from the bad date? Well, he decided to IM me today. This would have been okay if he hadn't have, you know, been EVIL INCARNATE.

Ok, he really wasn't, but let me share our conversation in a nutshell.

"Hey, I'm having lots of success online dating! How about you? Oh, not well? Too bad! You and I aren't meant to be together because you were different in person than you were on the phone. Maybe you can hook up with that male friend you told me about! Bye!!!"

Sadly, this is really how it went down. And sadly, I really didn't say much of anything. I know I should have because our date was awful and he treated me poorly and he has no right to sit there and say that I'm some kind of poser who acted differently in real life than on the phone. But I didn't. I just sat there in shock and then thought, "I'm gonna blog about this!" So since I didn't tell him off to his face, I won't do it here. I'm trying to be less passive agressive. But I will say this: I bet he totally talks on his phone in the bathroom!

Monday, April 03, 2006


Ever have diarrhea? Ever have it at work? As if the fact that your stomach rumbling at 100 decibels isn't bad enough, the 4 trips to the bathroom in an hour usually gives you away. Other hints: multiple pill poppings of Pepto Bismol and pleas of “Kill me.”

The worst part is the actual bathroom experience. There's always someone in there when it hits you. And you can't hold it for very long, because otherwise...EW. So you gotta go. And you pray that they will clear out quickly. You're lucky though. Well, lucky in a relative way. You work with a lot of people who are comfortable with their bodies and their inner workings and so it's not quite as horrible as it could be. Because you've been in there when others are suffering. And so you hope they can sympathize. However, you're also very unlucky. You are unfortunate enough to work with a lot of people who are comfortable talking on their cell phones in the stalls. You hate this. You hate it always, but you especially hate it when you are humbly offering yourself to the porcelain god. You are begging for mercy while someone is chatting away next to you. And sometimes, you can't control it. Explosions happen, people. They just do. No matter how hard you try to soften the blow and control the impact, it happens. And you don't want that happening while not only your co-worker is next to you, but your co-worker's best friend or husband or whatever is on the phone with them. Who knows how many people have heard your groans of despair? Just because they're speaking in a different language, does not make it okay. In fact, it makes it worse. Because you don't know the words for “diarrhea” and “explosion” in their language, but you're pretty sure they're saying it at that very moment. Why can’t they go outside for this conversation? Why????

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Web Junk

Bored? Unmotivated? Feel like wasting time? Need some diversion? Well, the Sand Palace is here for you! I learned this weekend that wireless internet and a working laptop are just a bad, bad mix if you'd like to do anything productive. Or active. Or social. Like, I really should not have my laptop in the living room with my TV. It's a multi-media feeding frenzy and will only lead me down the road of "biggest couch potato in America." Oh well!

BGF introducted me to my latest drug this weekend. The Stumble! Plug-in for Firefox. You tell them what best distracts you, and then they find even MORE useless sites for you. All you have to do is simply click the mouse. Hours of times wasted! Hours! But I'm generous in my sloth-like tendencies and am now here to share current, as-of-this-very-moment finds with you. Enjoy!

First up: Cows with Guns. A classic that I haven't seen in ages. It's a bit long, but worth every minute. I am in no way biased since I'm obsessed with bovine.

Next: Kitten War. It's like battle with kitten pictures. I think Capers might get submitted sooner than later. Although I'm a little nervous, because what if people don't like her? It's like putting your baby in a cutest baby contest. (BGF entered her in a "Most Beautiful Household Cat" competition and we were both a wreck the entire time. I instantly became a pageant mom and I didn't like that feeling. I was suddenly very concerned about her fur and presentation and how much she had eaten recently and why won't she look at the judge instead of us? Shine baby! Shine!!!)

Finally: Their Circular Life. You get to choose a destination and then see images throughout the day from that same spot. It's like being stuck at your desk at work, but fun! And faster!