Thursday, May 29, 2008

Losing It

5:20 am - Wake up.
5:20:30 am - Freak out because OMG, I woke up 30 minutes late.
5:21 am - Frantically wake up Alex, because, OMG, he has to be at the airport by 5:40.
5:40 am - Leave the house. Both of us unshowered. Alex barely packed.
6:05 am - Drop Alex off at the airport. Give a passing kiss as I practically throw him into the airport.
6:06 am - Begin driving slowly in case he misses his flight.
6:30 am - Stop for gas. Curse under my breath that gas prices are so insanely high. Receive text message that Alex is on the plane. Whew.
6:35 am - Arrive at work.
6:40 am - Eat breakfast. Still hungry. Begin to question shoe choice.
7:40 am - Leave work to go to classroom observations.
8:00 am - Arrive at school and discover there is no where to park. Wedge myself in between two large trucks under a basketball goal. Hope this is a real parking spot. Put lipstick on.
8:01 am - Curse myself for wearing the most uncomfortable shoes in the history of shoes.
8:02 am - Walk into a chaotic classroom in which I am unwelcome. Pretend not to notice.
8:03 am - It's hard not to notice.
9:00 am - Scurry away to second classroom and almost trip over Shoes of Death.
9:05 am - Realize that this is going to be a waste of my time.
9:30 am - I'm hungry.
10:00 am - I really have to pee.
10:15 am - Wondering how small the toilets are in this school. Will I break them if I use them? Best not to find out.
10:30 am - Still have to pee. Still hungry. Also starting to feel pretty nasty for not showering. Also still cursing heels.
11:00 am - Why won't the children leave? LEAVE!!!!
11:02 am - Child compliments my shoes. Almost give them to her.
11:10 am - Begin interview. Supposed to last one hour.
11:30 am - Wrap up interview and promise to continue via e-mail.
11:32 am - Stumble to car. Children playing basketball all around my poor, lonely car. Confirm that yes, it is the sole vehicle in the area and that no, that probably wasn't a parking space.
11:34 am - Think about just running one over.
11:35 am - Exit parking lot without 7th/8th grader attached.
11:50 am - Go back to work. Immediately bombarded with sales rep wanting people. Resist the urge to flip him off.
12:00 pm - Eat Lean Pocket. Wish I had two.
12:20 pm - Wondering if I can sneak a nap in the conference room.
1:00 pm - Alone in the office and eyeing the conference room. Like, for reals.
1:30 pm - Tasked with booking travel plans for my boss. Thank God this is easy to do. Remember that I haven't booked my flight back to Louisiana for my dad's surgery. Mini panic attack ensues.
1:35 pm - Realize that a flight from Dayton to Shreveport costs $1300. Wonder why anyone would ever pay $1300 to fly to SHREVEPORT.
1:40 pm - Remember that I should get my hair done this weekend.
2:00 pm - Take care of boss's travel plans and decide to go ahead and take care of my own.
2:01 pm - Remember that Alex has all the info for flight vouchers. Can't book flight even if I wanted to.
2:02 pm - Realize flight prices have increased by $100 since I checked day before yesterday.
2:03 pm - Curse myself for not booking this damn flight already.
2:05 pm - Call mother to confirm when and where I can fly in and out of. Rush conversation to an end in order to avoid crying on phone. Again.
2:10 pm - Make hair appointment. Feel better.
3:00 pm - Spider Solitaire. Something has to keep me awake.
3:30 pm - Wondering if it's possible to bend the time space continuum.
4:00 pm - Conclude it's not possible. Spider Solitaire.
4:30 pm - Begin fantasy of napping. And of taking wretched pants off.
5:00 pm - I can make it till 6! I can make it till 6!
5:15 pm - I can't make it till 6! I can't make it till 6!
5:16 pm - Leave work.
5:17 pm - Head towards Tim Horton's. The only thing in the world I want right now is a Fruit Explosion Muffin.
5:19 pm - Acquire Fruit Explosion Muffin. Decide it is a gift from the heavens. Call Alex to tell him.
5:20 pm - Alex can't talk. Sing to myself about the wonders of the muffin instead.
5:45 pm - Get home. Relax. No more appointments today! No more responsibility! Life is good!

7:01 pm - Future sister-in-law calls. Look at phone. Realize that I was supposed to be at golf lesson at 7 pm.
7:02 pm - Yep, definitely supposed to be there. Nope, don't know why the instructor's not there. Nope, don't have pants on.
7:03 pm - Realize I am an asshat for completely and totally forgetting about golf lessons.
7:05 pm - Conclude golf lessons will not be happening tonight. Get off of phone. Feel like a TOTAL IDIOT.
7:06 pm - Call Alex to tell him what a moron I am for forgetting about golf lessons. Cannot believe I left the SIL2B stranded.
7:06:30 pm - Alex does not answer. Decide to take my stupidity to the internet instead.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day Mayhem 2008

Two years ago, I went to Seneca Lake for Memorial Day. I had no idea what I was getting into. I had met a handsome redheaded boy a week and half earlier and rashly accepted his invitation to camp out at a lake three hours away from my house. And yes, I had only met him a week and half before I went. Sometimes I think I'm crazy too.

So two years ago, I had the best Memorial Day in my life and I was introduced to a whole new set of people who basically blew my mind away with how much fun they all were. I was fascinated and excited and overwhelmed. But in the end, I knew I liked it and was ready for more. I look back on that post and laugh at myself because I was dying, I mean DYING to tell the internet that I was suddenly and stupidly IN! LOVE! but didn't have the guts to do it. It worked out okay, because in 2007, I missed Memorial Day Mayhem so I could go buy a wedding dress to marry that handsome redhead in.

In 2008, we're married. I know the people. I know the lake. I understand the concept of sleeping in a tent. I know the tricks of the shower. I invested in SPF 70 and I still love the Neutrogena kind the best. It was familiar and comfortable and safe. It was exactly what I needed because the big ball of stress that was floating in my gut before I left absolutely exploded on the way home. My father is having trouble walking and the MRI came back with scary news. He's having surgery in a few weeks. On his spine. Because if he doesn't, he's going to be paralyzed. And I am in Ohio during the most stressful and busy summer of my entire life. None of it makes sense and I am angry and feeling guilty and tired of crying. So very tired of crying. I need a few more hours of laying on that catamaran and staring at the sky to make sense of all of this.

Monday, May 19, 2008


Yes, that is me front and center.

My grandmother insists on keeping this picture of me on the fridge o' memories. THIS PICTURE ONLY. I have taken a least one hundred million zillion more attractive pictures and this, THIS, is what she leaves up for all the world to see. Do you see the great picture of my cousin on the top right? Yeah, she's eight years younger than me. EIGHT YEARS YOUNGER AND SHE GETS HER SENIOR PICTURE ON THE FRIDGE O' MEMORIES. Although to Maw Maw's credit the baby beneath her is also her. But I can't figure out for the life of me why she leaves that one picture up. I hate that picture. I have ALWAYS hated that picture. Passionately. Violently. Hysterically. And yet there it is, staring me in the face every single time I go home. I mean, I know there are metaphors for facing the past and things you disliked about your former self, but do I really need a framed photo of the eighties hair on the fridge for that? I think not.

Also? My incredibly amazing grandfather is in the black and white picture to the left. What an amazing, fun man. I miss him.

P.S. It's good to know I had bags under my eyes even at that time. It's not just my old age!

Friday, May 16, 2008

I am still a weirdo

Last night, I dreamed that there was a mistake with my grades and I actually got C's in two of my classes. And I went insane. I cried and screamed "Why? Why?" like I was Nancy Kerrigan. I woke up with a knot in my stomach the size of Texas. Because I got two C's.

When I went back to school, I vowed not to place so much importance on grades. My goal was to do my very best possible, and if my effort resulted in an "A," then that was fantastic. But I cannot let it go. Can.Not. And now I'm dreaming about it. Oy. Sometimes I feel like I've grown and then sometimes I feel like I am just doing the same things all over again.

Monday, May 12, 2008

I'm Back

And things are insane. I came in with just enough time to run to the bookstore, drop $300 on books and head to five hours of class. Yep, 300 bucks for summer school classes. And yep, five hours. And now I am tired and my online class isn't working correctly and I have to go to work tomorrow with no food.

But the trip? Was pretty good. More later.

(Photo courtesy of my mother who saw my camera, went insane, and proceeded to take a severely large amount of pictures. Some of which are pretty amazing. Don't ask me how she does it because she's never had a DSLR in her hands before, nor has she ever spent any time learning about photography. She's naturally that good.)

(And I hate her for it.)

(Oh, just kidding. I love you Mommy!)

Monday, May 05, 2008


Yep, we finally got it.

We found a pretty good deal at Best Buy and since Dell still sucks, we decided to go ahead and jump at the chance to buy it now. I have an impromptu trip to New Orleans planned this weekend and I decided a fancy pants camera would improve the quality of the visit. (Which I am dreading, FYI.)

Alex met me at work and we practically flew to Best Buy. Now that I look back on it, it was kind of cute how we hung around the camera section as if we weren't there drooling over the camera. We tried to act nonchalant and looked at a different camera, because, why? I have no idea. So the camera wouldn't know how desperate we were? So the Best Buy guy would have to wait a few seconds before selling us the camera we were clearly there for, coupon in hand? Who knows. I kind of felt like we were adopting a puppy, because Alex walked up to the Best Buy guy and was all, "We'd like an Xti?" Kind of like, "How much is that doggy in the window? The one with the waggly tail?"

We were so excited once we left the store that we couldn't even wait to get home to open it. I ripped open the box and packaging and Alex pulled over in an adjacent parking lot so we could laugh in maniacal glee. The camera. It was finally ours.

And available to us with both English and Spanish directions!

Anyway, this thing takes BITCHIN' pictures, y'all. For serious. Life before this camera seems so empty and boring now. I'm feeling feelings I never thought I had. My life feels whole, complete, amazing. I have a purpose now. It's like I've given birth to my first born. Except instead of being a wriggling, screaming child, it's a little black box that takes pictures like this.


After we left Best Buy, we headed over to Panera Bread and refused to speak to each other because we were too busy ogling THE CAMERA, OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THE CAMERA. IT TAKES THE BEST PICTURES IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Except that it desperately needs a better looking subject.


But have no fear, I am married to the most handsome red head in the known universe and he is an excellent subject.

After our dinner o' silence, we headed over to the local arboretum to take our little baby for its first trip out. We basically spent the entire time saying to each other, "Give me the camera!" and then running up to the nearest flower. Boring for you, but FASCINATING for us. Behold:

Once we made it home, I refused to even go inside because I was obsessed with taking pictures of our newly landscaped front lawn. I will spare you those...for NOW. (MWUHAHAHAHAHA!) The poor dogs were inside barking like crazy and I was like, "What is the pesky noise? Is something upset? MACRO! MACRO! MACRO!"

Parsnip? Is not amused.

She's stuck behind bars with no one to cuddle. Life is tough when you've been replaced.