Wednesday, December 30, 2009

2009 Year in Review

Well, 2009 you've been a roller coaster. Like, probably the biggest roller coaster EVER. So let's review you, shall we?

(You can find last year's here.)

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
I gave birth. I am pretty sure that wins. It was seriously horrendous and I can honestly say that I am TERRIFIED to ever do that again. In happier news, I also became a parent, which was new and crazy and insane. It was rough at first but things are going way better now. I also ran a 5K. Hooray for reaching physical goals!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

According to last year’s post, I resolved to eat healthier, get back in shape, and learn to be a rockin’ parent. I totally accomplished all three! I made HUGE strides in my eating habits this year, although I am not eating healthy currently. I am resolving to continue that trend once we get to Tejas. I am in okay shape right now (okay is 1000% better than the shape I was in this time last year) and am going to keep going with that into 2010. (I’m running a 5K for New Year’s Eve!) I am setting a goal of becoming a distance runner in 2010. I want to run a half marathon in November. And while I don’t know if I’m a rockin’ parent, I know I am totally learning how to be more patient, generous, loving, and fun. I love that little kid and I want to be the best mommy for him.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
That’d be a yes. Me, for one. I’m pretty close to myself. Three dear friends from college gave birth this year (two boys and a girl) and a good friend here in Dayton had a sweet little girl in August.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Alex’s aunt passed away in May. My dear friend’s mother also passed away in November. I hate cancer with the passion of a thousand suns.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico! Alex and I cruised there for our long awaited honeymoon. We went to Cozymel and Calica. I looooooooooved it. We visited a private beach in Calica and it was absolutely amazing. White sand. Blue water. It was so relaxing and gorgeous. Cozymel was nice too, but the beach was super crowded and rocky, so it wasn’t as enjoyable, but we still had fun.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A church that I feel comfortable in. I miss community.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 3rd. Jack’s birthday. I will never forget that experience for as long as I live. It was really, really, really hard, yo. I know it’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but I’m just going to go ahead and keep it real here and say that it was NOT the happiest day of my life. I didn’t experience the instant love that many parents speak of. My love for Jack was slow growing and while not instant, it’s been real and powerful and overwhelming. So even though it completely sucked at the time, that day changed the course of my life forever.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I know, I know, broken record here, but GIVING BIRTH. My word, that really was difficult. You know? And it’s just so crazy that I successfully gestated a human life and successfully delivered it. That is INSANE. I’m also really proud of finishing my graduate program and getting my degree this year. And any other year, running the 5K would have been The Big Deal, but it pales in comparison to birthing a child and graduating from grad school.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Last year, I said it was not enjoying my pregnancy. This year, my answer is similar because I didn’t enjoy the first few weeks of Jack’s life. AT ALL. I was insanely miserable with severe depression and anxiety. I didn’t spend enough time with him and I just didn’t ENJOY him. And I am so thankful Alex was here and took copious pictures and videos so I can go back and look at this squishy little newborn on my computer screen any time I want.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I landed in the hospital a few times after my surgery. I had fluid in my lungs and then my C section scar got infected. It really sucked.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Civic. We really didn’t buy a ton of stuff this year. It was mostly baby-related.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Alex. My mom. The nurses from this story made me cry.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Tiger Woods. I’m sure there are more, but he came to mind first. Sorry, Tiger!

14. Where did most of your money go?
Baby! Baby! Baaaaayyyyybbbbeeeeee!!!!!!!!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My sweet baby boy. (Shocking! I know!) And I don’t know if it counts for three “really’s” but I am pretty pumped about moving.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Right Round” by Flo Rida. I. KNOW. But I have listened to that song a whole, whole lot this year. So I am pretty sure I will hear that song and think of Dayton in 2009 for the rest of my life.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier! Hooray!
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner! Thinner! Thinner!!!!!!!!!
c) richer or poorer? Richer! (WAY. TO. GO. 2009!)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laughing. Traveling. Connecting.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying. (As per usual.) Also, I could have done with less panic attacks.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In Louisiana. With my family. Again. It was fun to spend Jack’s first Christmas with my parents since they were so clearly geeked about it. They went a bit overboard in the present department. We spent only a few days there because we had been in San Antonio the week before trying to find somewhere to live.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Well, yes. I had a kid, remember?

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Friday Night Lights is still my favorite. That show is just SO. GOOD. I also fell hard for Glee.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Who would honestly answer this question? Also: Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?
The Help by Kathryn Stockett. By far. It was absolutely AMAZING.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ha! I have no idea. Considering the #1 most played song on my iTunes is a song by Flo Rida, I am not the person to talk to about “musical discoveries.”

26. What did you want and get?
I guess I wanted a new car? We certainly got one. A move to the south. I've been wanting that one for a while.

27. What did you want and not get?
A school counseling job. But hey! I’m okay.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
That’s a tough one. I saw several good movies this year. Star Trek. Up. The Blind Side. Star Trek was probably my favorite though. What can I say? I’m a big geek.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Alex, Jack and I went out to eat at my favorite brunch place. Then we drove down to Cincinnati and went to the Newport Aquarium. We ate dinner and bought a giant brownie to eat afterwards. My parents sent me flowers and Alex got me the Vera Bradley clutch I had been wanting. He also dressed Jack in LSU stuff for my birthday. It was a pretty sweet way to celebrate turning 29.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I’m really not sure. This is such a hard question. I guess if all of our family members were alive and easily within driving distance. Or, you know, winning the lottery.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Mostly it was…”Is this as big as a tent? Good! It should fit!”

32. What kept you sane?
Alex. Music. Xanax. Therapy. The Internet.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Craig Ferguson. I watched a lot of Craig when Jack was very young and I wasn’t sleeping. At all.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hmmmmm….probably the health care reform. Though I admit my interest in politics was a little…shallow this year.

35. Who did you miss?
Everyone I missed last year. My family and friends.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I am pretty sure this sounds cheesy, but it's true. I have to say my son is the best new person I have met ever.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Ask for help when you need it. And by God, it is OKAY to not feel happy when everyone else is telling you that you should be. Listen to yourself and do what you NEED to do to be okay. You’re living your life, not someone else’s.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

- Kelly Clarkson, y'all

Monday, December 28, 2009

Merry Christmas...late

Hope you got a ton of hats and an alphabet toy for Christmas, too.

Friday, December 18, 2009


OH MY GOSH, YOU GUYS. I have SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much to talk about and I can't! Because I don't have the internet! Argh! And I don't have the werewithal to tap, tap, tap out a decent blog post on my phone. But seriously, SO MUCH HAPPENNING. SO MUCH STRESS. I am so tired and I never, ever, ever want to look at another rental property EVER. Just...aaaagggghhhh! I miss you and your blogs and I can't wait till we get to hang out again. Maybe next week? If my parents' internet comes back?

And what should we do? The fancy pants apartment that is slightly out of budget or the kinda ok townhouse well within our budget? BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW. Aaaaaaggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Also! People in Texas will touch your child if he has red hair! Like, rub his belly. And hair. And feet.

And there are cats! Everywhere! Want to know where your cat runs off to? The answer is Texas! I probably saw your cat this past week and you didn't even know it.

I have to go. I am using the "business center" at our hotel (translation: two computers and two printers in a very small, very warm room) to print up one of the 2,735,831 applications that are necessary to rent! in! this! state! And I have to go fill out more. And someone just walked in and I feel awkward blogging with a stranger.


Friday, December 11, 2009

Seven Quick Takes - Pack Rat Edition - 12/11/09

1. Being a pack rat is both a blessing and a curse. We have filled up bags and bags and bags with trash and give away stuff. (In addition to the multiple boxes with stuff to give away that are sitting around waiting to be actually GIVEN AWAY.) I am flabbergasted at the amount of USELESS JUNK we owned. Most of it is mine because I am a collector of stuff. As I've stated before, I'm a sentimental sap and will keep the dumbest things because of the memories attached to them. HOWEVER, the good part is that you find some real gems every once in a while. Here's some of the best stuff I found.

2. A letter written on 12-31-99. (And OMG that is almost 10 years ago.) A letter written by me. TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND. I am pretty sure I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself that I had no one to kiss on New Year's Eve, so that's what prompted it. It's one page, front and back, handwritten. And it's so adorable, y'all. I mention Y2K! I talk about how I want to be a good wife. I go on and on about how I love him already. How precious is that? Oh, sweet, little 19-year-old me. You had SO MUCH to learn. (And yes, I let Alex read it since it was actually written FOR HIM. And he didn't make fun of me either.)

3. A note from Christy that she wrote in order to avoid doing her chemistry homework. I scanned it and e-mailed it to her today and we've determined it was sophomore year, probably in the early '00's. (Which yeah...ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO.) It is excellent as well. My favorite part is where she talks about WCW, which is Waffle Cone Wednesday. Our local TCBY offered waffle cones for a mere DOLLAR on Wednesdays and we went pretty much EVERY SINGLE WEDNESDAY. Man, those were good times.

4. My original Nintendo controllers, Duck Hunt gun, and the Super Mario Brothers/Duck Hunt game. NOTE: I do not have the ACTUAL NINTENDO. It (very sadly) broke years ago. Which means these things are COMPLETELY USELESS. But as Alex said, "There is NO WAY we are throwing any of that out."

5. Now this doesn't really count as stuff or junk since it's a picture. But I also found my bangs from the early 90's:
I am assuming this is from Junior High? There's no date on the picture, but I am pretty sure it's not freshman year of high school and I got braces my sophomore year. So it's probably 8th grade. Maybe 7th. But man, that headband and that shirt. A sleeveless mock turtleneck, y'all! That is just AWESOME. And THANK GOODNESS it cuts off at the waist. Who knows what atrocious pants I was wearing. Although...I do distinctly remember that watch and for some reason, I kind of miss it.

6. My high school graduation announcement, my medal I wore when I graduated college (Yes, a medal. I have no idea why you got a medal and not ropes or cords or whatever.) and a myriad of cards, notes, and pictures from high school and college. It was kind of neat getting to show everything to Alex since he was not around OVER TEN YEARS AGO, OMG.

7. And finally, a picture of me from kindergarten:
Which yes, I was pretty cute and look WAY BETTER here than in the previous junior high picture. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, it is proof that my son looks likes me. We have the same cheeks! And chin! And bless his little heart, we have the same exact BAGS UNDER OUR EYES. Sorry kiddo.
Not the best picture for comparison purposes, but you can see the resemblance, right? Right??

Monday, December 07, 2009

Three Miles and More

I ran 3 miles today! THREE. ENTIRE. MILES. I have never ever in the history of my entire life even come close to running that much at one time. I didn't stop or walk or puke or anything! What's so funny is that I was all excited to post this and then I read Linda ran seven miles. Ha! That makes my three miles seem...not so impressive. But she is in AMAZING shape, so I don't feel too bad. Plus, she's training to run a half marathon (in New Orleans!) in February, so, yeah, different goals there. So, we'll just stick to my happy dance of three miles! Three miles!


I have the best in-laws on the planet. I know you think yours are nice and I'm sure they are, but I have to say that mine really are the best. My mother-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law AND her boyfriend came over yesterday and PACKED. They cleared out our bookshelves, took care of most of the office, and started on the kitchen. It's amazing. Granted our house looks sad and kind of empty now, but it's a good empty! A "We're moving!" empty. My mother-in-law is coming this weekend to help pack up the kitchen as well. And THANK GOD. Alex and I are TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE packers. We seriously need all the help we can get.

Example of terrible packing by Alex: He told them to pack up all of our pots and pans. Yes. ALL OF THEM. So we can't cook anything unless we can do it in the microwave or the toaster oven. GRRRREEAATTT. Funny story: I commented to Alex about this. I was all, "Why would they pack all of our pots and pans?" And he was all, "I don't know." Then I said something AGAIN because we needed to boil some stuff for the baby. And he paused and finally said, "I told them to do it."


Another part of our terrible packing abilities include the inability to judge how many boxes we will need. Alex made a Home Depot run for boxes and when he got home, it was obvious we were going to need more boxes. A LOT MORE. So I decided to make the next run because, well, I wanted to get out of the house. I didn't bother trying to look okay when I went out, either. I didn't shower, didn't put on make up or, uh, a bra. I was looking pretty rough is what I'm trying to get at here. But I didn't really care because who goes to Home Depot on Sunday morning?



I have not seen him since 2003 sometime. Maaaaaybe 2004. Maybe. I'm not really sure. And there is a very, very good reason for that because things did not end well. Not well at all. And there was just a horrible period there where I was just a psychotic bitch. (I mean, there's just no other word for it.) It was just...bad. Bad, bad, bad. The whole thing. Bad. Baaaaaaaaaaaad.

You know, I'm not one of those people who says they have no regrets. There are plenty of times I have acted like an idiot and I wish I could go back in time and fix those things. And some things, I'd like to completely erase. Just wipe that whole slate clean. And that whole...situation would be NUMBER ONE on said list.

ANYWAY, I've always wondered what I would do if I ever ran into him around town and I did not disappoint. I seriously looked down and MOVED OVER. IN TERROR. I was checking out at the time, so there wasn't a good place to duck, or I would have done that. And who knows what the guy checking me out thought when I suddenly went mute and cowered by the wall of gift cards. And I didn't NEED to move over. There was PLENTY of room for both of them (he was with his dad) to walk pass me. Oh yes. THEY WALKED PAST ME. (They came in the exit doors right by the check out counters.) AND they TOTALLY ignored me. So he either 1) didn't see me or 2) didn't recognize me. So...yay? I guess? You'd think I would have held my head high and smiled or waved or something. Let bygones be bygones. It was a loooooooong time ago, right? But no. I HID like a fool. GAH.

(I mean, I guess it's okay because I looked like CRAP and everyone knows that you are supposed to look SUPER MEGA HOT whenever you run into any ex, whether the break up was amicable or not. So all's well that end's well? Right? Sure? Uh-huh? I guess?)

OH, WHATEVER. Ex-boyfriend-run-in FAIL.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Eight Months

On Friday, this little kid turned 8 months old. Hooray!

He still has no teeth. (When will the teeth come? Why can't we blame the fussiness on the teeth? Why does he chew on our fingers IF HE'S NOT TEETHING!?) He still is not crawling. (But he WILL get on his belly and then whine and whine and whine until SOMEONE will come and pick him up. 'I don't care that you put that toy just out of my reach! PICK ME UP, WOMAN!') BUT he now says Mama. And babbles constantly. And will grab anything and everything, so nothing is safe on the table or on the store shelf or anywhere else, really. And he will try to drink from a straw when Momma puts some in the straw and puts it in his mouth. And he TOTALLY LOVES Peek a Boo. And he give kisses, OMGSOSWEETSQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

We had a pretty big month again this past month. We flew for the second time and Jack is now a PRO at flying. Which is awesome because we'll be flying again next week. But Daddy gets to go with us next time, so I can just give him the baby when he poops through an outfit. He still does not get the sippy cup completely, but we're working on drinking water. We FINALLY got a high chair, so we've made meal time a pretty big deal. There's been no home food making this month because of traveling and holidaying and moving. So he's gotten the joy of trying all kinds of combinations of food that Momma never would have made on her own. He still eats like a champ and has yet to meet a food he doesn't like. The only thing he wholly rejects is the Naturally Preferred Green Beans and Rice. Which is pretty weird because he loooooooooooves Gerber's Green Beans. So I'm not sure what Kroger adds in with their Green Beans and Rice combo, but it is NOT approved of at the Sand Palace. Sweet potatoes are still gooooooood.

We had to switch up to size 4 diapers this month because over of the course of 2 days, Jack peed through three outfits and pooped through two. And well, Mama can't handle that. Even though I don't think he weighs enough to technically wear size 4's. And I don't like it because it makes him seem so...big. He's pretty much exclusively wearing 9 month clothes now, which is kind of unacceptable because WHO SAID he was allowed to grow up so fast? We have no idea how much he weighs or how tall he is because we are lazy and make the doctor's office tell us. But we do know that he gets cuter EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

We switched to the 2-3-4 nap schedule this past month as well. FINALLY. I thought we were going to be going down for naps every 2 hours for the rest of our lives. But the 2-3-4 seems to be working nicely and he's taking longer naps, which is AWESOME. I really enjoy getting a good 2-3 hour stretch of free time to eat and shower and clean. And he is much happier when he sleeps for longer than 45 minutes at a time.

We're really having a lot of fun together, me and Jack. He gets so excited when he seems me or Alex. He screams with delight and sounds like a baby bird. He still does his little jig of happiness when we come close to him with a bottle. He cranes his head around to see me when I'm out of view. He begs for bites of our food even though he knows he can't have any. He loves playing with his new talking book and his stacking rings and his choo choo train and his chime ball. Everything still goes in his mouth. He's finally learned to love bath time. He smiles pretty much all the time. He's my precious baby boy who is entertained more thoroughly by a straw than anything else. He's a flirt and a charmer but he hates it when people laugh loudly. Sometimes, he'll laugh out loud and then cry immediately. He can be a complicated, confusing little puzzle. But he sleeps best when I'm near and holds my hand when he's tired. He's a joy and so dang happy ALL. THE. TIME.

I love him.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Seven Quick Takes - 12/4/09

1. So I said I'd write about Jack's 7th month of life yesterday, completely forgetting that it was Thursday. We'll do that tomorrow, for reals. Because I am just BURSTING with things to tell y'all.

2. I won something! Boo Mama did a giveaway this week for Bon Bon Charms for the new Sweet Petite Charms. And I won! I am SO EXCITED. You can see what they look like here. I am trying to decide if I want just Jack's first name or his first AND middle name on the charm. I have been wanting a personalized necklace like this for a while and so I'm THRILLED to be getting this for free, yo. I'll be sure to post pictures once I receive the finished product.

3. Fitness update: I haven't done the Shred since I injured myself a week or so ago. It's still really painful when I exercise and hurts every time I put shoes on. I've been wearing an ankle brace pretty much non stop the last few days and I believe it's helped tremendously. I want to shred again for this next week to help me prepare for the 5K I'm running next Saturday. And by god, I am going to RUN it THE ENTIRE TIME. I am pretty sure I can achieve this goal because I can now run 2 miles. WITHOUT STOPPING. Yes! Me! The most nonathletic person in the entire universe!

4. Alex just told me that we are all booked and ready to head to San Antonio week after next. Because you know what else is helpful to do when you're moving? Going out of town for two weeks. VERY, VERY HELPFUL. Jack and I are going to apartment hunt while Alex begins work at his new office for a week. Then we're going to drive four and half hours and meet my parents where Jack and I will hop in their car and head down to spend the week of Christmas with them while Alex keeps on trucking at the new office. We'll fly back up here two days after Christmas and spend the next two weeks FREAKING OUT before we move down to Texas for good. Come on, you know you're jealous of that schedule.

5. If you're a big fan of The Office, then you might find these two articles about the awfulness of this season very interesting. I pretty much agree with both of them. My disappointment with the show started back when they had Pam flunk out of art school. I felt like that was VERY uncharacteristic of Pam and really undermined the whole "art is my dream" plotline they had going for the first three seasons. And now co-manager Jim is REALLY sucking the life out of the most fun relationship on that show. I miss fun Jim! I miss fun Pam! I miss happiness!

6. Amazon is giving away one free Christmas song from December 1st through the 25th. Also, if you hunt around their site, you can find a SLEW of free Christmas songs on there. I have downloaded a good 15 or so free Christmas songs this past week, which is, you know, AWESOME.

7. Way back during the Christmas of 2007, I forced Alex to buy a precious Boyd's Bear ornament that had two moose holding a snowflake that said, "Our First Christmas 2007." It was ridiculously expensive and kind of dumb, but I love moose and I love Alex and I wanted to commemorate our first Christmas as a married couple. We then promptly lost it. I think it might have accidentally got thrown out during a overzealous car cleaning spree. But whatever it was...the ornament was lost. I was just sick over it. SICK, y'all. I looked for it last year and still couldn't find it and resigned myself to the fact that the ornament was gone forever. It was STILL bugging me this year, so Alex got on the old internets and hunted around for that ornament. He spent a copious amount of time on the phone with a strange lady somewhere in Pennsylvania earlier this week. And then yesterday? Santa came early in the form of the FedEx man. I married a good man, y'all.

Thursday, December 03, 2009


Today is my sweet baby boy's 8 month "birthday." I'll write about his past month of life tomorrow and (hopefully!) will include pictures.

Right now, I need to sit down, cry, and feel sorry for myself. Once I get over that, I think everything will be fine. But sometimes you just have to freak out before everything will get better. If you'd like to offer someone to punch in the face a la Pam in The Office, that'd be cool too. (Although she DID say it didn't make her feel better.) (And uh, no, I didn't just find out that my dithering boss is having an affair with my mom and then broke her heart.)

It's house stuff. Not important stuff like family or friends or health. Everyone is doing well. We have all the important things in life. We just don't have a big pot of money that we swim in, something I have always wanted ever since I first started watching Ducktales back in the day. So it's not big deal. Just crappy, stressful stuff. Our realtor told us that the three most stressful things in life are 1) getting a new job, 2) having a small child, and 3) moving. Good thing we're doing all three at the same time during the holidays!

Anyway, we'll be fine. And this has wound up being way more wordy than it needed to be. But I was afraid if I just posted the first two paragraphs y'all would get all worried that someone was dying or something. And it's nothing like that. So! All of that is to say that I'm super stressed out right now and am planning on writing a proper, happy post about my child tomorrow. I could have said that in one sentence. But I didn't.

I need chocolate.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Things I Have Learned While Packing

1. I am never ever ever EVER allowed to purchase another notebook, journal, card, envelope, pen, pencil, note card, sticky note, or piece of paper. OH MY GOSH, you guys. I have, like, a ZILLION pieces of stationary and such. And why? I never send cards. I always THINK I will, but then I don't. And how many partially filled journals can one girl own? I have filled up two not-very-small plastic drawers full of office supplies. Anybody need any writing utensils or paper products? Because I'm your girl.

2. I really SHOULD send more cards because I love getting them. I have kept every card anybody has ever given me. Yes, even yours! I just can't get rid of them. Which leads me to quite the conundrum. What do I DO with them? I cannot bear to throw them away. They makes me so happy and it's so nice to go back and read them when I'm having a bad day...but where do they go? And am I the only person who does this? I know I'm a sentimental old sap, but I can't be the only one who feels the need to KEEP all these things, right?

3. I don't read nearly as much poetry as I used to. GRANTED, a lot of those random sonnets I found were from either 1) college or 2) the aftermath of a particularly traumatic break up (or two), but still. Where is the poetry in my life? It has LEFT ME ENTIRELY. The closest I come to reading poems are Sandra Boynton books. BECAUSE THEY RHYME.

4. It kind of weirds me out how one's life can be packed up and put into little plastic containers. I feel like the sum of my existence is just sitting here. And what will people will think of it once I'm gone? Will Jack want to keep these pictures and prayers and posts? Will they be meaningless to him? Is this all my legacy is? A few kind words from friends and random pictures?

5. Dude, I REALLY hate packing.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Uh, no.

I am pretty sure this is not a joke.

Guys, let me go ahead and tell you now that a SURPRISE PAP SMEAR is NOT what the woman in your life wants for Christmas. I don't care how close you are to that woman. Your wife will kill you. Possibly make you sleep on the couch FOR ALL ETERNITY. Your mom will be baffled and offended. Your sister will be squicked out. Your friends will disown you. DON'T DO IT.

And how creepy is it that he's like...give her the gift that SANTA can't give. What? First of all, a pap smear is not a GIFT. It is a necessary evil. Second of all, if SANTA can't give that gift, then NEITHER CAN YOU. I am pretty sure Santa could indeed deliver a gift certificate good for one (1) free pap smear! But Santa is NOT STUPID. Is he implying that Santa cannot perform the pap smear? Because, guess what, NEITHER CAN YOU, BUDDY. NO!

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for women getting checked out and taking care of themselves, but not as Christmas gifts. If Alex gave me a pap smear for Christmas, I can GUARANTEE you that he'd be getting a prostate exam for his birthday. GUARANTEE.

**I found this at NPR's pop culture blog.