I began The Reader last night and finished it this morning. What a strange, sad story. I knew nothing about the book other than there was an illicit affair between an adult woman and a teenage boy. So I was surprised by the twists and turns of the plot. It was also nice to finish a book that has sat on my shelf for years.
I have found the surefire way to get me to read a book is to make a movie of it. I don't know why, but it's true. I've had The Reader for years now. Literally, years. But I did not take the time to sit down and read it until I found out there was a movie with Kate Winslet. That's pretty embarrassing for an English graduate to admit, but it's true. Now you know internet.
Up next on my queue? I'm still working on Oil!, which is the longest book I have read ever, including Remembrance of Things Past, which is 3,000 pages long. I can't figure out why it is taking me so long to get through this book, but it is. And it's not boring. There's just so much to take in when you read it. I can't fly through it, like I normally do. I also dusted off my copy of Atonement today as well. Conveniently, both of these were made into movies that were nominated for Academy Awards last year. I'm so original in my book choices!
At least I'm reading good books because of it, right? Right???
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Snow Days
We've had snow days yesterday and today. To be more accurate, it's a snow + ice day today, as there is a lovely layer of ice sandwiched between the snow. It's been nice lounging around the house and getting extra sleep. However, I am BEYOND ready for warm weather. I am tired of staying inside because I am terrified of falling and breaking the baby. (I saw it on Grey's Anatomy, so I know it's true!) I am already a klutz and combine that with the ice and extra ton of weight I'm carrying around and it's a recipe for disaster. And since I fall at least once a winter because I am constantly slipping on ice, I figure it's best to err on the side of caution and try to make this winter a no-fall zone.
Anyway, my dear friend Bell has started a blog and I invite you all to go read it and harass her into posting more. I've been trying to get her to blog since, oh, about forever, so I'm excited she has finally taken the plunge. Granted, my influence had nothing to do with her decision to blog. Really, it's because she's a mom now. But whatever. I'll take what I can get.
And on that note, I didn't point out that Phillison has also joined the ranks of the bloggers here. Again, leave comments and convince her to post more. :) I like having friends who blog.
I wish I had something awesome to say, but I don't. I spent a while today working on internship projects, which was as much fun as it sounds. But hey, you gotta get your hours in somehow. And I also spent a large part of the day obsessively reading my live feed on Facebook. I love internet stalking.
Anyway, my dear friend Bell has started a blog and I invite you all to go read it and harass her into posting more. I've been trying to get her to blog since, oh, about forever, so I'm excited she has finally taken the plunge. Granted, my influence had nothing to do with her decision to blog. Really, it's because she's a mom now. But whatever. I'll take what I can get.
And on that note, I didn't point out that Phillison has also joined the ranks of the bloggers here. Again, leave comments and convince her to post more. :) I like having friends who blog.
I wish I had something awesome to say, but I don't. I spent a while today working on internship projects, which was as much fun as it sounds. But hey, you gotta get your hours in somehow. And I also spent a large part of the day obsessively reading my live feed on Facebook. I love internet stalking.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Updike
John Updike died today. I am not sure why this bothers me so much. It's not like I have been an Updike advocate reading his books with relish. But Updike was critical in my evolution as an English major and as fan of literature.
I took an American Novel class while in college with my favorite professor in the entire world, Johnny Wink. Johnny's love for literature and his quirky sensibilities made an indelible impression on me and helped ensure that I would be a lifelong reader. In doing so, he introduced me to an entire new world of literature that I have never even heard of. (Though clearly not teaching me to not end a sentence with a preposition. Am real good English grad.) In his American Novel class, we read a novel a week and one of Johnny's selections was Rabbit Redux. And I'll be honest. I was appalled. It was my first foray into the social commentary of the 60's. And was certainly the first time I had ever read anything that was sexually explicit. The long conversations about social injustices (and pot) were a little much for me and I felt it was the worst book we read that semester. Johnny, on the other hand, was passionate about Rabbit. He pointed out the well-written parts and brilliance of Updike's commentary. I begrudgingly admitted that it wasn't the worst novel ever, but certainly not one of my favorites. I never picked up an Updike novel again.
Now, I know that sounds super negative and not a good reason to care that 10 years later Updike is dead. The thing is that he left a huge impression on me. He taught me to appreciate writing. I didn't enjoy his novel. But I learned from him. And I've always appreciated his prolific work. In those heady days of college, where I had all the time in the world to discover literature, he played a huge role. I have vivid memories of reading about Rabbit's exploits while sitting on a blanket in the quad. I remember talking about how much I hated the book, yet I was unable to put it down. I remember telling Johnny I disliked the novel greatly and him challenging me to articulate 'why' I hated it, instead of just writing it off as "that was dumb." I learned to be more critical. I learned to think outside the box. And for that, I will always be grateful to both Johnny Wink and John Updike.
So today, I feel a loss. Someone who helped me become an adult is gone. I know it is inevitable. I know that people will not always remain. And it's yet another reminder of the ever changing landscape of life. But that doesn't make it hurt less. I'm grateful for my learning experience from Updike and who knows, maybe I'll give Rabbit another try. I have a couple of his novels on my shelf, just sitting and waiting for me to delve back into his world and learn more about America, myself, and Mr. Updike.
I took an American Novel class while in college with my favorite professor in the entire world, Johnny Wink. Johnny's love for literature and his quirky sensibilities made an indelible impression on me and helped ensure that I would be a lifelong reader. In doing so, he introduced me to an entire new world of literature that I have never even heard of. (Though clearly not teaching me to not end a sentence with a preposition. Am real good English grad.) In his American Novel class, we read a novel a week and one of Johnny's selections was Rabbit Redux. And I'll be honest. I was appalled. It was my first foray into the social commentary of the 60's. And was certainly the first time I had ever read anything that was sexually explicit. The long conversations about social injustices (and pot) were a little much for me and I felt it was the worst book we read that semester. Johnny, on the other hand, was passionate about Rabbit. He pointed out the well-written parts and brilliance of Updike's commentary. I begrudgingly admitted that it wasn't the worst novel ever, but certainly not one of my favorites. I never picked up an Updike novel again.
Now, I know that sounds super negative and not a good reason to care that 10 years later Updike is dead. The thing is that he left a huge impression on me. He taught me to appreciate writing. I didn't enjoy his novel. But I learned from him. And I've always appreciated his prolific work. In those heady days of college, where I had all the time in the world to discover literature, he played a huge role. I have vivid memories of reading about Rabbit's exploits while sitting on a blanket in the quad. I remember talking about how much I hated the book, yet I was unable to put it down. I remember telling Johnny I disliked the novel greatly and him challenging me to articulate 'why' I hated it, instead of just writing it off as "that was dumb." I learned to be more critical. I learned to think outside the box. And for that, I will always be grateful to both Johnny Wink and John Updike.
So today, I feel a loss. Someone who helped me become an adult is gone. I know it is inevitable. I know that people will not always remain. And it's yet another reminder of the ever changing landscape of life. But that doesn't make it hurt less. I'm grateful for my learning experience from Updike and who knows, maybe I'll give Rabbit another try. I have a couple of his novels on my shelf, just sitting and waiting for me to delve back into his world and learn more about America, myself, and Mr. Updike.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Pushing the Picture Down, That's What This Post Is Doing
So Alex pointed out I made a mistake in my post about childbirth class. There were NOT 29 other couples there. There were a TOTAL of 30 people, NOT 30 couples. I am not sure why that didn't occur to me, but it didn't. So there were 14 other couples. Quite a difference. I blame it on pregnant brain.
I almost photoshopped the picture posted below. I am not even kidding. It's not the belly that bothers me. It's the large expanse of flesh between the belly and the back. Also my fat, fat face. Wow, I hate myself.
My bathroom also looks horrible in that picture. Like I regularly use a dorm room bathroom. This is because I am lazy and haven't gotten out the cute matchy match towels to go with my cute shower curtain. I am pretty sure these towels are clean and everything. But still...they haven't made it down to the bathroom. Nesting instinct? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. A myth! A myth, I tell you!
And curtains are foreign to me. I need a curtain consultant if our house ever hopes to be a "real" home.
I'm calling my doctor tomorrow about the rash. The itchiness is killing me. The fact that it is spreading is concerning. My belly and boobs (sorry all male readers!) are terrifying to behold. I am one super sexy pregnant lady.
My belly button is still an "innie." I thought, for sure, that all pregnant women experienced the outward pop of the belly button. I also thought, for sure, that it happened by 31 weeks. Does this ever happen after 31 weeks? Because I read that some women's belly buttons never pop out. I actually want my belly button to pop because it looks so weird and gross and not right anyway right now. It might as well pop on out, so I can clean it better.
Seriously. I will write a post soon that is not related to pregnancy. Seriously.
I almost photoshopped the picture posted below. I am not even kidding. It's not the belly that bothers me. It's the large expanse of flesh between the belly and the back. Also my fat, fat face. Wow, I hate myself.
My bathroom also looks horrible in that picture. Like I regularly use a dorm room bathroom. This is because I am lazy and haven't gotten out the cute matchy match towels to go with my cute shower curtain. I am pretty sure these towels are clean and everything. But still...they haven't made it down to the bathroom. Nesting instinct? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. A myth! A myth, I tell you!
And curtains are foreign to me. I need a curtain consultant if our house ever hopes to be a "real" home.
I'm calling my doctor tomorrow about the rash. The itchiness is killing me. The fact that it is spreading is concerning. My belly and boobs (sorry all male readers!) are terrifying to behold. I am one super sexy pregnant lady.
My belly button is still an "innie." I thought, for sure, that all pregnant women experienced the outward pop of the belly button. I also thought, for sure, that it happened by 31 weeks. Does this ever happen after 31 weeks? Because I read that some women's belly buttons never pop out. I actually want my belly button to pop because it looks so weird and gross and not right anyway right now. It might as well pop on out, so I can clean it better.
Seriously. I will write a post soon that is not related to pregnancy. Seriously.
Am Large and In Charge
There. I'm huge. Are you happy now everyone whose eyes pop out to the size of saucers when they see me? Yes, I still have two months left. No, I don't want to be called "big" or "huge" by you or anyone else, no matter how darn "cute" you think it is. I also do not need your opinion on how high or low I'm carrying. So everyone? BACK OFF.
Love, Slightly Hormonal (read: Sensitive) Pregnant Lady
Saturday, January 24, 2009
New Look!
For you RSS folks, I kindly invite you to hop on over and take a look at the new Sand Palace. It's super cute! Many thanks to Alex for setting it up. I did nothing to help the process except point out when something was wrong.
This weekend we had childbirth classes. There were 29 other couples in our class, which surprised me. I was expecting it to be much smaller. Not sure why, but I guess I thought we were the only ones freaking out about having a baby in about 2 months. The class went well and I have to say Alex handled it like a champ. He even watched the birthing videos without passing out. Although we both turned away when during the video when the doctor was waving around the placenta like it was some kind of show-and-tell object. Yick.
In other news, I have a rash. Super itchy and bumpy and red. And it's spreading. Hooray! Yet another reason to hate being pregnant! I've decided not to feel bad about hating pregnancy anymore. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful or anything. It just means that I dislike the actual act of being pregnant. It's been a LOOOOONG almost-eight months and I am beyond ready to have it over. Although the actual act of giving birth does not excite me. But what else can I do? He can't come any other way. So I'm ready. He's not. And neither is his room. But we'll get there soon and I can't wait until we are a family of three with the third family member outside of my body.
This weekend we had childbirth classes. There were 29 other couples in our class, which surprised me. I was expecting it to be much smaller. Not sure why, but I guess I thought we were the only ones freaking out about having a baby in about 2 months. The class went well and I have to say Alex handled it like a champ. He even watched the birthing videos without passing out. Although we both turned away when during the video when the doctor was waving around the placenta like it was some kind of show-and-tell object. Yick.
In other news, I have a rash. Super itchy and bumpy and red. And it's spreading. Hooray! Yet another reason to hate being pregnant! I've decided not to feel bad about hating pregnancy anymore. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful or anything. It just means that I dislike the actual act of being pregnant. It's been a LOOOOONG almost-eight months and I am beyond ready to have it over. Although the actual act of giving birth does not excite me. But what else can I do? He can't come any other way. So I'm ready. He's not. And neither is his room. But we'll get there soon and I can't wait until we are a family of three with the third family member outside of my body.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Decadence
Last night, Alex and I decided to actually leave the house. Conveniently, we had nothing to eat in our actual home, so there wasn't much persuading needed for either of us to go out. It also helped that it had warmed up to a balmy 32 degrees. *grumble grumble* We decided to go to Mimi's Cafe since he had never been and I have only gone once (in Arkansas). We both enjoyed it and I had the chicken pot pie, which was divine. We decided to try one of their desserts since I had gotten it in my head that I wanted bread pudding. Which is weird in and of itself and definitely a sign that I am pregnant. Because I? Am not a bread pudding kind of girl. So we both made sure to stop eating early and ordered the single "petite" size of the bread pudding. (We're cutting back! For the New Year!) (And the "petite" size was huge, by the way.) I dug in with a fairly large piece with a good sized helping of the sauce. And then I dropped my fork.
THAT was BOOZE.
And strong booze. Seriously strong booze. Alex tried the sauce next and was like, "Yep, definitely alcohol." We checked the menu and duh, BUTTERY WHISKEY sauce. *handsmack* I felt super guilty eating it because it was so, so, so strong. And I don't know if it was so strong because I haven't had alcohol in 800 years or if there was just that strong of an alcoholic presence in the sauce. Alex assured me that it had a pretty strong whiskey taste, but I am convinced my lack of alcohol consumption effected it. Either way, I felt like I was cheating and possibly giving my child Fetal Alcohol Syndrome just by eating the sauce. (I know, I know, I wasn't. Not at all.) I picked around it as best as I could, but the pregnant guilt was there. So I made a mental note to get the Apple Cinnamon Crisp next time.
This afternoon, we treated ourselves to lunch at my favorite local brunch place. (Lots of treating! Because we hadn't made it to the grocery store yet!) I decided to be daring and ordered decaf coffee. And it was DIVINE. Again, I am not sure if this is because I haven't had coffee in 800 years or if they just have really good coffee, but it was A-MA-ZING. I drank far too much and as a result, spent far too much time in the bathroom this afternoon. But it was so worth it. I felt so decadent with my coffee and combined with the whiskey sauce from last night, it was like I wasn't pregnant for 24 hours. Except that my child is kicking the crap out of my stomach right now and unless I am calling it an alien life form, there's no denying his presence and my pregnancy. It just makes me wonder. My life has changed so much since I got pregnant. What will it possibly be like when he is here? When we have to pack an extra bag of stuff just to leave the house. When we have to actually PLAN to go out instead of just picking up and going. Will it be as much fun? Will we still feel like ourselves? I don't know. But according to the green chick up there, I've got about 10 weeks before we'll find out.
THAT was BOOZE.
And strong booze. Seriously strong booze. Alex tried the sauce next and was like, "Yep, definitely alcohol." We checked the menu and duh, BUTTERY WHISKEY sauce. *handsmack* I felt super guilty eating it because it was so, so, so strong. And I don't know if it was so strong because I haven't had alcohol in 800 years or if there was just that strong of an alcoholic presence in the sauce. Alex assured me that it had a pretty strong whiskey taste, but I am convinced my lack of alcohol consumption effected it. Either way, I felt like I was cheating and possibly giving my child Fetal Alcohol Syndrome just by eating the sauce. (I know, I know, I wasn't. Not at all.) I picked around it as best as I could, but the pregnant guilt was there. So I made a mental note to get the Apple Cinnamon Crisp next time.
This afternoon, we treated ourselves to lunch at my favorite local brunch place. (Lots of treating! Because we hadn't made it to the grocery store yet!) I decided to be daring and ordered decaf coffee. And it was DIVINE. Again, I am not sure if this is because I haven't had coffee in 800 years or if they just have really good coffee, but it was A-MA-ZING. I drank far too much and as a result, spent far too much time in the bathroom this afternoon. But it was so worth it. I felt so decadent with my coffee and combined with the whiskey sauce from last night, it was like I wasn't pregnant for 24 hours. Except that my child is kicking the crap out of my stomach right now and unless I am calling it an alien life form, there's no denying his presence and my pregnancy. It just makes me wonder. My life has changed so much since I got pregnant. What will it possibly be like when he is here? When we have to pack an extra bag of stuff just to leave the house. When we have to actually PLAN to go out instead of just picking up and going. Will it be as much fun? Will we still feel like ourselves? I don't know. But according to the green chick up there, I've got about 10 weeks before we'll find out.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I've Got Nothing, Really
In in the interest of posting regularly, I am posting today. However, I have nothing of merit to talk about. It snowed last night and it is currently EXTREMELY FREEZING COLD, so school was canceled today. I spent the morning trying to find jobs for the fall and working on my resume. That left me...less than pleased. There are currently no job openings for the job I want in the fall. That is supremely frustrating. Granted, it's still early (It's only January, for crying out loud.), but I am itching to get back in the game, so to speak. I usually get restless this time of year, so I suppose it's not surprising. But still, today felt very fruitless and disappointing.
In other news, I dusted off my links on the sidebar. I've added several blogs to my links and updated the book links as well. So if you're not an RSS reader, then take a look!
I am also itching to change my template. I am SO VERY TIRED of this one, but I don't know what direction I'd like to take the blog as far as "the look" goes. And you'd think being married to a computer programmer would serve as an advantage here, but it doesn't. So, suggestions are welcome!
Aaaaand, that's it. Exciting, I know!
EDITED TO ADD: I keep forgetting to mention that my grandmother gave me two Snuggies for Christmas and I have been wearing the blue one all day today. Indeed, I love the Snuggie, even though it makes me look like a monk and/or Princess Leia. Alex? Does not love the Snuggie. Something about how it's not "appealing." However, since the Snuggie keeps me warm and I don't complain as much about the cold, he keeps the protest down to a dull roar. I, on the other hand, am concerned about the number of items I keep acquiring that start with "sn" and have "gg" in the middle. Snuggie? Snoogle? What's next?
In other news, I dusted off my links on the sidebar. I've added several blogs to my links and updated the book links as well. So if you're not an RSS reader, then take a look!
I am also itching to change my template. I am SO VERY TIRED of this one, but I don't know what direction I'd like to take the blog as far as "the look" goes. And you'd think being married to a computer programmer would serve as an advantage here, but it doesn't. So, suggestions are welcome!
Aaaaand, that's it. Exciting, I know!
EDITED TO ADD: I keep forgetting to mention that my grandmother gave me two Snuggies for Christmas and I have been wearing the blue one all day today. Indeed, I love the Snuggie, even though it makes me look like a monk and/or Princess Leia. Alex? Does not love the Snuggie. Something about how it's not "appealing." However, since the Snuggie keeps me warm and I don't complain as much about the cold, he keeps the protest down to a dull roar. I, on the other hand, am concerned about the number of items I keep acquiring that start with "sn" and have "gg" in the middle. Snuggie? Snoogle? What's next?
Monday, January 12, 2009
How to Freak Me Out in One Easy Step
So the glucose test went well, apparently. I managed to neither throw up nor pass out, which is impressive because things got a little dicey towards the end there. Somewhere around Hour 15 of no food or drink, I started feeling...funny. Kind of...drunk, I'd say. I was lightheaded and everything was suddenly hilarious and I kind of wanted to fall asleep on the table. Alex and I went to be BW3's and I started sweating profusely because I was SO HOT and then I was suddenly freezing cold and dear lord, where is my WRAP!? I felt better after eating and a non-nap (I tried to nap, but brought Eclipse with me to help me sleep and darn it all, I read all afternoon instead.) But the technician said I should hear back today if the results came back in positive and thus far, no phone call. So...hopefully we're in the clear on that one. Woo!
Anyways, back to the topic on hand. I noticed my hands swelling at the doctor's office, so I decided to take off my wedding band. (Engagement ring? Will not be worn again until May-ish, I am betting.) I have this weird fear of getting my ring stuck on me and having to get it cut off. I don't know why. It's kind of irrational, but I have it. So I flipped out and took my ring off and put it in my pants pocket.
I did not wear those pants again all weekend.
Last night, Alex and I decided laundry needed to be done. He offered to wash those pants. (Which they desperately needed since I own approximately 3 pairs of pants that I can comfortably wear right now.) So, I said, "Sure Awesome Husband! Do my laundry!" Which means I didn't check the pockets before they were laundered.
This morning, I started looking for the pants because I wanted my wedding ring. They weren't where I left them (the floor) and I was confused. And then slowly, like in a horror movie, the realization dawned on me. My pants were washed last night. And were probably hanging up to dry in the basement. I hadn't checked the pockets. Alex didn't mention checking the pockets. My wedding ring was in the pocket of those pants. WHERE IS MY WEDDING RING!?
I IMMEDIATELY lost it. I started crying hysterically and babbling because OH MY GOD, I WASHED MY WEDDING RING AND IT IS GONE FOREVER. Poor Alex was in the shower, so imagine his concern when he suddenly hears his wife wailing. I eventually stumbled into the bathroom sobbing and Alex is convinced that I have fallen or hurt or that the baby is dead or something. I break the news to him that I am pretty confident we washed my wedding ring last night and it is LOST FOR ALL ETERNITY. He reacted much more calmly than I did and promised to go look for it as soon as he was out of the shower, as long as I would sit down and stop trying to bring on premature labor with my hysterics. (Note: He was much nicer than this. I realize now how ridiculous I must have looked and sounded.)
So I sat down and cried and Alex went downstairs to inspect the damage. And, seriously, he came back TWO MINUTES later with a super shiny wedding band that was fully intact and indeed, not lost forever. THANK YOU GOD. So! All that drama for nothing. I'd like to blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I am pretty sure I would have flipped out just as much if I wasn't pregnant. So be ye warned. CHECK YOUR POCKETS BEFORE YOU WASH THEM, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE DUMB LIKE ME.
Anyways, back to the topic on hand. I noticed my hands swelling at the doctor's office, so I decided to take off my wedding band. (Engagement ring? Will not be worn again until May-ish, I am betting.) I have this weird fear of getting my ring stuck on me and having to get it cut off. I don't know why. It's kind of irrational, but I have it. So I flipped out and took my ring off and put it in my pants pocket.
I did not wear those pants again all weekend.
Last night, Alex and I decided laundry needed to be done. He offered to wash those pants. (Which they desperately needed since I own approximately 3 pairs of pants that I can comfortably wear right now.) So, I said, "Sure Awesome Husband! Do my laundry!" Which means I didn't check the pockets before they were laundered.
This morning, I started looking for the pants because I wanted my wedding ring. They weren't where I left them (the floor) and I was confused. And then slowly, like in a horror movie, the realization dawned on me. My pants were washed last night. And were probably hanging up to dry in the basement. I hadn't checked the pockets. Alex didn't mention checking the pockets. My wedding ring was in the pocket of those pants. WHERE IS MY WEDDING RING!?
I IMMEDIATELY lost it. I started crying hysterically and babbling because OH MY GOD, I WASHED MY WEDDING RING AND IT IS GONE FOREVER. Poor Alex was in the shower, so imagine his concern when he suddenly hears his wife wailing. I eventually stumbled into the bathroom sobbing and Alex is convinced that I have fallen or hurt or that the baby is dead or something. I break the news to him that I am pretty confident we washed my wedding ring last night and it is LOST FOR ALL ETERNITY. He reacted much more calmly than I did and promised to go look for it as soon as he was out of the shower, as long as I would sit down and stop trying to bring on premature labor with my hysterics. (Note: He was much nicer than this. I realize now how ridiculous I must have looked and sounded.)
So I sat down and cried and Alex went downstairs to inspect the damage. And, seriously, he came back TWO MINUTES later with a super shiny wedding band that was fully intact and indeed, not lost forever. THANK YOU GOD. So! All that drama for nothing. I'd like to blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I am pretty sure I would have flipped out just as much if I wasn't pregnant. So be ye warned. CHECK YOUR POCKETS BEFORE YOU WASH THEM, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE DUMB LIKE ME.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Judgey Pregnancy Comments, Part the First
So far, I have been extremely lucky because I am surrounded by kind people who do not say mean things to me about my pregnancy. I did have someone ask me how much weight I've gained, but I'm pretty sure it was out of curiosity, not maliciousness. But other than that, most people have just let me do my thing and life has been good.
Until tonight. (Of course, you knew where this was going right?) And to be fair, it wasn't a comment. It was a condescending question, which might actually be better because of the passive aggressive factor.
So here's the deal. It is cold here. COLD. I have a gift card to Starbucks. I decide I want to use this gift card for a warm beverage before I go to class tonight. I bring the warm beverage to class. It briefly passes through my mind that I should loudly announce that it is a decaf tea latte, lest people think I'm a coffee drinking pregnant woman. But then I decide that is ridiculous because 1) None of their business. 2) Who cares if it IS a coffee based beverage? A cup of coffee won't hurt the baby. So I remain silent and sip my drink and then proceed to freak the crap on out because I am not ready for the Praxis.
Later in the class, we split into groups to talk about whatever. And this girl looks at my cup (which has been there THE WHOLE TIME) and says, "Is that decaffeinated?" And let me just say that it was not asked in a tone of curiosity, concern, or care. It was asked in a snobby, better-than-you, DIE CAFFEINATED SINNER tone.
And this just blows my mind. Because there is no proof there is coffee in my cup. It could have been hot chocolate, or a caramel apple spice, or you know, A DECAF TEA, which it was. So I snarkily replied that ACTUALLY, IT'S TEA AND YES IT'S DECAF, I CHECKED. And she was like, "Oh, good." And I was like, "I hate you." (In my mind.) And then the girl next to me laughed because that is ridiculous and we went on about our business.
But seriously, y'all. Pregnant women can have caffeine. And even if I did choose to suck down a whole boatload of caffeine, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. If I had been quick on my feet, I should have said, "Yeah, it's decaf. It tastes better with the liquor I poured in earlier."
Until tonight. (Of course, you knew where this was going right?) And to be fair, it wasn't a comment. It was a condescending question, which might actually be better because of the passive aggressive factor.
So here's the deal. It is cold here. COLD. I have a gift card to Starbucks. I decide I want to use this gift card for a warm beverage before I go to class tonight. I bring the warm beverage to class. It briefly passes through my mind that I should loudly announce that it is a decaf tea latte, lest people think I'm a coffee drinking pregnant woman. But then I decide that is ridiculous because 1) None of their business. 2) Who cares if it IS a coffee based beverage? A cup of coffee won't hurt the baby. So I remain silent and sip my drink and then proceed to freak the crap on out because I am not ready for the Praxis.
Later in the class, we split into groups to talk about whatever. And this girl looks at my cup (which has been there THE WHOLE TIME) and says, "Is that decaffeinated?" And let me just say that it was not asked in a tone of curiosity, concern, or care. It was asked in a snobby, better-than-you, DIE CAFFEINATED SINNER tone.
And this just blows my mind. Because there is no proof there is coffee in my cup. It could have been hot chocolate, or a caramel apple spice, or you know, A DECAF TEA, which it was. So I snarkily replied that ACTUALLY, IT'S TEA AND YES IT'S DECAF, I CHECKED. And she was like, "Oh, good." And I was like, "I hate you." (In my mind.) And then the girl next to me laughed because that is ridiculous and we went on about our business.
But seriously, y'all. Pregnant women can have caffeine. And even if I did choose to suck down a whole boatload of caffeine, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. If I had been quick on my feet, I should have said, "Yeah, it's decaf. It tastes better with the liquor I poured in earlier."
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
The Other Shoe, She is Dropping
So I might not have mentioned this yesterday, but one of the reasons this pregnancy seems so unreal is because I haven't had any problems. I think I've gained too much weight (I refuse to do the math when I hit the scale. I just stare at the impossibly large number and pretend it's fake.), but my doctor hasn't said anything, so I am continuing on in blissful ignorance for now. My fragile psyche simply cannot handle it. But other than that, everything has been perfect. The ultrasound was completely normal and average in all ways. No problems with anything else that gets checked every single doctor's visit.
Until now.
So shortly after I sent a friend an e-mail telling her that I REALLY hope I don't have to take the 2nd Glucose Screen because my god, those people have drawn enough of my blood, haven't they?, guess what phone call I got? The good news: my iron levels are great! The bad news: my blood sugar is not! It was 177, which is high-ish, but not high enough to immediately put me in the Gestational Diabetes category. I cried, of course, because really? I have to fast and go back on Friday? What if I do have diabetes? I googled the crap out of it and gah! So many problems for me AND mah baby if I do! (I know, I know. Why did I google? Google never comforts!)
Honestly, I would not be surprised if I did wind up having gestational diabetes. My grandmother has diabetes and my great-grandmother died from it. Plus, I'm over the hill at the age of 28, which puts me at higher risk. And if I DO have it, then I have a much higher chance of getting regular old diabetes later on in life. The kind that doesn't go away in less than three months when the baby comes. And the thought of that freaks me out because I watched my grandmother struggle to control her blood sugar for years and years now and it is a heap of no fun.
Of course, the chances are high that I don't have GD. Very high. It was probably nothing. I probably just ate too much sugar that day. But still. No one wants to hear there's a problem. And no one wants to fast for 12 hours (no water ever!) only to have blood drawn four more times in a three hour period on a Friday morning.
(At this point I should also mention that I have to get my Rhogam shot this week and when I called to schedule it, they informed me they have to take MORE BLOOD. So I'm getting my blood drawn a total of six times this week. HOO.RAY.)
But! All is not lost. Because look what came in the mail last night:
SNOOOOOOOOOGLE!!!!!!!! I used it last night and it is A.MAZ.ING. Holy cow. I slept through the ENTIRE night, for starters. (Unheard of, I know. Part of that is because I couldn't sleep at all the night before so I was exhausted. But far be it for me to not give credit where credit is due. And the Snoogle, she deserves from credit.) And I woke up feeling much more comfortable after a night of sleep than I have felt in at least a month. I love you, Snoogle.
Until now.
So shortly after I sent a friend an e-mail telling her that I REALLY hope I don't have to take the 2nd Glucose Screen because my god, those people have drawn enough of my blood, haven't they?, guess what phone call I got? The good news: my iron levels are great! The bad news: my blood sugar is not! It was 177, which is high-ish, but not high enough to immediately put me in the Gestational Diabetes category. I cried, of course, because really? I have to fast and go back on Friday? What if I do have diabetes? I googled the crap out of it and gah! So many problems for me AND mah baby if I do! (I know, I know. Why did I google? Google never comforts!)
Honestly, I would not be surprised if I did wind up having gestational diabetes. My grandmother has diabetes and my great-grandmother died from it. Plus, I'm over the hill at the age of 28, which puts me at higher risk. And if I DO have it, then I have a much higher chance of getting regular old diabetes later on in life. The kind that doesn't go away in less than three months when the baby comes. And the thought of that freaks me out because I watched my grandmother struggle to control her blood sugar for years and years now and it is a heap of no fun.
Of course, the chances are high that I don't have GD. Very high. It was probably nothing. I probably just ate too much sugar that day. But still. No one wants to hear there's a problem. And no one wants to fast for 12 hours (no water ever!) only to have blood drawn four more times in a three hour period on a Friday morning.
(At this point I should also mention that I have to get my Rhogam shot this week and when I called to schedule it, they informed me they have to take MORE BLOOD. So I'm getting my blood drawn a total of six times this week. HOO.RAY.)
But! All is not lost. Because look what came in the mail last night:
SNOOOOOOOOOGLE!!!!!!!! I used it last night and it is A.MAZ.ING. Holy cow. I slept through the ENTIRE night, for starters. (Unheard of, I know. Part of that is because I couldn't sleep at all the night before so I was exhausted. But far be it for me to not give credit where credit is due. And the Snoogle, she deserves from credit.) And I woke up feeling much more comfortable after a night of sleep than I have felt in at least a month. I love you, Snoogle.
Reality
School is canceled today because of freezing rain. I was really surprised since we were one of the few school districts in the city to close. I was also pleased because I needed to be at school until 3:30 this afternoon, which is conveniently when I have a class tonight. Yes, a graduate school class at 3:30 in the afternoon. I have no idea why, either. I am pretty sure this is one of those meet once and then go independently from there kind of deals, so I am hoping this is my one and only time of having to go to campus at a ridiculously early hour.
Alex and I signed up for childbirth classes last night. I am ridiculously excited for this and I am not sure exactly why. Maybe I feel as though that solidifies this whole experience as real. As if the stretch marks, swollen ankles, achy joints, and ill-fitting clothes weren't a real enough indicator of BABY ON THE WAY. Or you know, the strong kicks that move my skin and make me look like I am housing an alien. No, the signs of actual baby in my belly aren't enough. It takes me signing up for a classes about said baby to make it real. I am a weirdo, I know.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about this because I've been asked several times if I'm feeling excited. And the answer is "No, not yet." And I think the reason is that I just have NO IDEA what I'm getting into. I can't wrap my brain around it. I've tried imagining what our life will be like with a baby and it seems fake. I still feel like I'm being punked about the whole thing. Maybe this will change as we tackle the nursery in the coming weeks and start putting real baby things in there. (I bought a diaper bag Sunday...my first real baby-related purchase.) But I've been hesitant to prepare for so long because I have been terrified of losing the baby. I have read way too much about mothers losing babies for various reasons and at various stages in the pregnancy. And I haven't let myself get too excited about it because what if that happened to me? Why decorate a nursery when it's only going to sit empty and lifeless, mocking me everyday? Why buy baby items when they will go unused? It's just better to wait. That's what I've been telling myself. But low and behold, here I am in the third trimester, past the first week of viability and I am still terrified of letting it become real. That I am going to be a MOM. A real, live, actual parent of a real, live, actual human being. Holy crap. Really? Me? Cora? Really? Even as I type it, I feel a huge sense of disbelief.
So that's where I'm at. Preparing for something I have no idea how to prepare for. Sure, I plan on picking up a copy of "What to Expect the First Year." Sure, I plan on reading lots of mommy blogs. I think I'll be ready in theory. Intellectually, I will know what to do. But emotionally, I am still flabbergasted. I am still surprised. And I don't think the reality of the situation will hit me until they place him in my arms for the first time and I look at him and see his face. My son. My child. The baby who I sacrificed for. Then, maybe then, I'll know that's real.
Alex and I signed up for childbirth classes last night. I am ridiculously excited for this and I am not sure exactly why. Maybe I feel as though that solidifies this whole experience as real. As if the stretch marks, swollen ankles, achy joints, and ill-fitting clothes weren't a real enough indicator of BABY ON THE WAY. Or you know, the strong kicks that move my skin and make me look like I am housing an alien. No, the signs of actual baby in my belly aren't enough. It takes me signing up for a classes about said baby to make it real. I am a weirdo, I know.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about this because I've been asked several times if I'm feeling excited. And the answer is "No, not yet." And I think the reason is that I just have NO IDEA what I'm getting into. I can't wrap my brain around it. I've tried imagining what our life will be like with a baby and it seems fake. I still feel like I'm being punked about the whole thing. Maybe this will change as we tackle the nursery in the coming weeks and start putting real baby things in there. (I bought a diaper bag Sunday...my first real baby-related purchase.) But I've been hesitant to prepare for so long because I have been terrified of losing the baby. I have read way too much about mothers losing babies for various reasons and at various stages in the pregnancy. And I haven't let myself get too excited about it because what if that happened to me? Why decorate a nursery when it's only going to sit empty and lifeless, mocking me everyday? Why buy baby items when they will go unused? It's just better to wait. That's what I've been telling myself. But low and behold, here I am in the third trimester, past the first week of viability and I am still terrified of letting it become real. That I am going to be a MOM. A real, live, actual parent of a real, live, actual human being. Holy crap. Really? Me? Cora? Really? Even as I type it, I feel a huge sense of disbelief.
So that's where I'm at. Preparing for something I have no idea how to prepare for. Sure, I plan on picking up a copy of "What to Expect the First Year." Sure, I plan on reading lots of mommy blogs. I think I'll be ready in theory. Intellectually, I will know what to do. But emotionally, I am still flabbergasted. I am still surprised. And I don't think the reality of the situation will hit me until they place him in my arms for the first time and I look at him and see his face. My son. My child. The baby who I sacrificed for. Then, maybe then, I'll know that's real.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Year in Review
Happy New Year! I am back in Ohio! We were supposed to get in last night but after a full 10 hours in the car, I hit a wall mentally and physically. I just couldn't go on anymore and Alex took pity on me and we spent the night in Louisville. So we rang in the New Year snuggled in bed with some awesome awkwardness on TV between Taylor Swift and that one Jonas kid. I didn't get a chance to post this yesterday as a result. But I saw this on multiple people's blogs, though it was started by Linda and I decided it was way easier to jank a survey than actually try and wrap up 2008 in a post on my own. So enjoy. Here's to 2009 being an amazing year.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I got pregnant. That one wins, I am pretty sure. Which has also led to me doing lots of things I've never done before, such as wearing pants with an elastic waistband, gaining far too much weight and being paralyzed by what to do with it, being sick for months on end, etc. But in the interest of this not being All About Baby: I flew more this year than I have in a one year period. Alex and I flew together (finally!). I became unemployed and began the joys of interning. I drove through West Virginia, which was just as not exciting as it sounds.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make resolutions because I never keep them. Ever. I usually make a vague promise to myself to work out more, but that's it. This year, I AM resolving to eat healthier, get back in shape post-baby, and learn how to be a rockin' parent.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Thanks for asking! My best friend in high school had a little boy. One of my best friends from college also had a little boy. And one of Alex's best friends from high school had a little girl.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year. Thank goodness.
5. What countries did you visit?
Other than this one? Not a one. I did go to Texas which some delusional folks consider a whole 'nother country.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A body shape I am proud of. A graduate degree. A career that I am happy with (whether it's a School Counseling career or a Full Time Mom career).
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 4th. Barack Obama was elected president and we found out we were having a boy. I know I should also list the date that I found out I was pregnant, but I don’t have the foggiest clue what day it was. It was in July sometime.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving the insane amounts of grad school classes I took for a full year straight. Also, getting pregnant? Though I feel as though I didn’t achieve that, so much as stumbled upon it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not enjoying my pregnancy. At all. Which is why I quit blogging. Mostly because I wanted to kill myself.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Morning sickness for a good three-four month period. Wow was that NOT fun.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My iPhone. Our XTi. The Vue.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Alex. He has put up with A LOT this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Besides me? Those people who trampled and killed the Wal-Mart employee for sale prices.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, Bills, Bills
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing. 2008 was devoid of super excitement for me. It was a tough year emotionally.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I hate these kind of questions. Probably “The Hat” by Ingrid Michaelson. I listened to it on repeat a ridiculous amount of times over the summer doing school work.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder. It's true.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter. Waaaaay fatter.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer. God, this is depressing. Next question!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Travel.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Cry.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
In Louisiana with my family. It was nice. Sometimes. It was warm. The whole time.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope. But does it count if I fell MORE in love with my husband? (:Barf: I know.)
22. What was your favorite TV program?
I like the use of the word "program." The Office still has my heart, though I thoroughly enjoyed 30 Rock this year. Alex and I finally discovered Firefly.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope.
24. What was the best book you read?
I read a lot this year. Which is nice. The best one though? Well, I HATED “The Road,” but I can see why everyone liked it so much. It was compelling in such a disturbing way. I probably enjoyed “Eye Contact” the most. Although “Twilight” was insanely easy and fast to read.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ingrid Michaelson.
26. What did you want and get?
Well, I didn't die. So I suppose that counts. I can't really think of anything I wanted and got. OOOHHH! Our fancy new camera. Alex wanted it more, but I definitely wanted it too and have enjoyed it.
27. What did you want and not get?
A free pass for a lifetime to Sephora.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Wall-E hands down. I love that little robot.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28 this year. I was sick as a dog and for some reason, my parents decided that the perfect birthday gift would be a trip to a gigantic Bass Pro Shop for Alex. But since they had given me a laptop that morning, I went along with it. I eventually got really sick and cried in the store and we left early. Definitely one for the books.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Immeasurably more? I don't know. It'd take something fantastic. Winning the lottery, perhaps.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Will this fit? Can people tell my pants are unbuttoned?
32. What kept you sane?
Alex.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hee. Fancy. I'd probably go with Daniel Craig since he looked so good as James Bond. But I will say that this year showed a remarkable drop in my interest in all things celebrity.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Just one? I don't know. I get all riled up when the religious right gets all high and mighty with their Republican ways. Back off, y'all.
35. Who did you miss?
Lots of people. My OBU girls. My Maw Maw. My grandparents who have passed away. My father-in-law...I didn't know him very well but it completely blows that he will not get to meet my son.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I can't think of a new person I met this year. I got to know several grad school friends this year and they are amazing.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
It only takes one time to get pregnant. Maybe you should use birth control, IDIOT.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
We don't need a lot of money.
We'll be sleeping on the beach,
keeping oceans within reach.
(Whatever private oceans we can conjure up for free.)
I will stumble there with you
and you'll be laughing close with me,
trying not to make a scene
Etcetera. Whatever. I guess all I really mean
is we're gonna be alright.
Yeah, we're gonna be alright.
You can close your eyes tonight,
'cause we're gonna be alright. - "Etcetera Whatever" by Over the Rhine
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I got pregnant. That one wins, I am pretty sure. Which has also led to me doing lots of things I've never done before, such as wearing pants with an elastic waistband, gaining far too much weight and being paralyzed by what to do with it, being sick for months on end, etc. But in the interest of this not being All About Baby: I flew more this year than I have in a one year period. Alex and I flew together (finally!). I became unemployed and began the joys of interning. I drove through West Virginia, which was just as not exciting as it sounds.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make resolutions because I never keep them. Ever. I usually make a vague promise to myself to work out more, but that's it. This year, I AM resolving to eat healthier, get back in shape post-baby, and learn how to be a rockin' parent.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! Thanks for asking! My best friend in high school had a little boy. One of my best friends from college also had a little boy. And one of Alex's best friends from high school had a little girl.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year. Thank goodness.
5. What countries did you visit?
Other than this one? Not a one. I did go to Texas which some delusional folks consider a whole 'nother country.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A body shape I am proud of. A graduate degree. A career that I am happy with (whether it's a School Counseling career or a Full Time Mom career).
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 4th. Barack Obama was elected president and we found out we were having a boy. I know I should also list the date that I found out I was pregnant, but I don’t have the foggiest clue what day it was. It was in July sometime.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving the insane amounts of grad school classes I took for a full year straight. Also, getting pregnant? Though I feel as though I didn’t achieve that, so much as stumbled upon it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not enjoying my pregnancy. At all. Which is why I quit blogging. Mostly because I wanted to kill myself.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Morning sickness for a good three-four month period. Wow was that NOT fun.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My iPhone. Our XTi. The Vue.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Alex. He has put up with A LOT this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Besides me? Those people who trampled and killed the Wal-Mart employee for sale prices.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, Bills, Bills
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing. 2008 was devoid of super excitement for me. It was a tough year emotionally.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I hate these kind of questions. Probably “The Hat” by Ingrid Michaelson. I listened to it on repeat a ridiculous amount of times over the summer doing school work.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder. It's true.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter. Waaaaay fatter.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer. God, this is depressing. Next question!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Travel.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Cry.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
In Louisiana with my family. It was nice. Sometimes. It was warm. The whole time.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope. But does it count if I fell MORE in love with my husband? (:Barf: I know.)
22. What was your favorite TV program?
I like the use of the word "program." The Office still has my heart, though I thoroughly enjoyed 30 Rock this year. Alex and I finally discovered Firefly.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope.
24. What was the best book you read?
I read a lot this year. Which is nice. The best one though? Well, I HATED “The Road,” but I can see why everyone liked it so much. It was compelling in such a disturbing way. I probably enjoyed “Eye Contact” the most. Although “Twilight” was insanely easy and fast to read.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ingrid Michaelson.
26. What did you want and get?
Well, I didn't die. So I suppose that counts. I can't really think of anything I wanted and got. OOOHHH! Our fancy new camera. Alex wanted it more, but I definitely wanted it too and have enjoyed it.
27. What did you want and not get?
A free pass for a lifetime to Sephora.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Wall-E hands down. I love that little robot.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28 this year. I was sick as a dog and for some reason, my parents decided that the perfect birthday gift would be a trip to a gigantic Bass Pro Shop for Alex. But since they had given me a laptop that morning, I went along with it. I eventually got really sick and cried in the store and we left early. Definitely one for the books.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Immeasurably more? I don't know. It'd take something fantastic. Winning the lottery, perhaps.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Will this fit? Can people tell my pants are unbuttoned?
32. What kept you sane?
Alex.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hee. Fancy. I'd probably go with Daniel Craig since he looked so good as James Bond. But I will say that this year showed a remarkable drop in my interest in all things celebrity.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Just one? I don't know. I get all riled up when the religious right gets all high and mighty with their Republican ways. Back off, y'all.
35. Who did you miss?
Lots of people. My OBU girls. My Maw Maw. My grandparents who have passed away. My father-in-law...I didn't know him very well but it completely blows that he will not get to meet my son.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I can't think of a new person I met this year. I got to know several grad school friends this year and they are amazing.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
It only takes one time to get pregnant. Maybe you should use birth control, IDIOT.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
We don't need a lot of money.
We'll be sleeping on the beach,
keeping oceans within reach.
(Whatever private oceans we can conjure up for free.)
I will stumble there with you
and you'll be laughing close with me,
trying not to make a scene
Etcetera. Whatever. I guess all I really mean
is we're gonna be alright.
Yeah, we're gonna be alright.
You can close your eyes tonight,
'cause we're gonna be alright. - "Etcetera Whatever" by Over the Rhine
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