Thursday, June 09, 2005

Day 2

I know I said I'd be gone all week, but I lied. Why? Because my aunt decided to step into the wonderful world of technology and get DSL. High speed internet is the gift that keeps on giving. But wait! It gets better! She has wi-fi! So I'm out here in the kitchen with the cute little laptop and the cutest little mouse I have ever seen, while BGF is lounging in the computer room with the desktop and a gigantic mouse that suits his gigantic, manly hands. (Except he is now done with said lounging and currently heading to Wal-Mart for sustenance. My aunt, she is not a snacker. Or a microwaver. She is a cooker. And I don't feel comfortable eating all of her food and dirtying her dishes when I can't even find the dish soap or have the ability to cook. So, frozen pizza, here I come!)

I totally would have blogged yesterday except I couldn't remember my password. How I remembered it today, I have no blessed idea. But I went to sign on and thought I'd just have Blogger e-mail me my password, when it came to me. Like a revelation. A dumb, slightly useless revelation, but exciting to me nonetheless. And exciting to you too, hapless reader! Because you get unexpected Cora joy! Woo-hoo!

So why am I on the internet at a relative's house without them here? Because I'm Grandpa-sitting, that's why! He is home from the hospital, but can't be left alone. I have to make sure he drinks every hour and gets the help he needs when he wants to move. (Which isn't very often.) It's kind of sad and a little depressing, I must admit. He was a really jolly old man when I was younger. He used to take me out to Rigg's Hardware store for a "nickel sody" (in a glass bottle!) and then take me to the park to feed the ducks and swing and play on the see saw. We'd come home and he'd do magic tricks for me or play games. It's also a family tradition to go the mall to bond (we're strange, yes?) and I'd always stick with him because he'd go in the toy stores with me. And now...he looks like a skeleton. He won't eat, I have to force him to drink and the most excitment he gets is when he turns on the television. He has lost the will to live. And there's nothing I can do but watch him.

My parents and aunt and uncle are at his house throwing things away and dividing up his earthly possessions. It's a difficult process for my mother and aunt. I've caught my mom more than once trying to recapture how things used to be. She plugged in their Christmas tree that they never took down. Started reading old cards and letters. She has taken out every single piece of clothing my grandmother owned and examined it. She keeps showing me these things from the past, hoping that I won't forget them. That I will remember what they were like back then. Or better, imagine what they were like when they were young. Back when Grandpa wrote love letters to his Bonnie May. Back when they had hope that things would get better and their lives would be full of happiness.

My grandma and I weren't that close, but I miss her. I miss her because she gave my grandpa a reason to live. I miss her because my mother was happier when she was around. I miss her because then we wouldn't have to sell that house and give away her clothes and cry when we look at pictures. I want her to come back and make things better. I want her to get up early and make biscuits and gravy for breakfast and drink sweet tea out of a jar. I want her to call my grandfater by his middle name and nag him about taking out the trash and washing the dishes. I want her to chew on a toothpick and ask me how my grades are. But really, I just want her to make Grandpa smile.

Instead, I'll go put some water in a sippy cup and hope he drinks it all.


Jodi said...

I am so sorry about your grandpa.

I am glad you got internet access and remembered your password. Now I have my Cora-fix for the day!

Jenny said...

honestly, woman. i can't read you when i'm at work for the tears that come! you should send a copy of this entry to a Mr. Wink. It's beautiful.