At Home

For reasons unknown, Alex scheduled a 7 am drop off for our car this morning. Well, I know why he scheduled our car to be repaired. The air conditioner is all...wonky. I mean, it's working just fine, except it only blows on your feet. Which is okay for the people in the front seat, I suppose, but it's righteously hot in the back and hey guess what? We have a baby in the back seat. And we live in San Antonio, where it's only going to get hotter and the baby's sweet, sweaty little red cheeks KILL ME DEAD.

So! We need to get the car fixed. And Alex decided that 7 am was an acceptable drop off time. A decision that we both questioned MULTIPLE times after he made the appointment. We questioned that time even more when we woke up at 6:30 this morning. See, we're pretty lax about mornings around here. We let the baby wake us up and he very rarely gets up before 7. Most days he wakes up around 7:30. So we are usually blissfully unaware that 7 am exists outside of our REM cycles.

Alex got up first and showered and moved the car seat to our other car and basically was a responsible parent. I snoozed with the baby until I couldn't put it off any longer. I had already informed Alex that Jack and I would be going in our pajamas because why get dressed if you don't have to? I put a bra on, brushed my teeth and asked Alex again, WHY WERE WE UP SO EARLY? Clearly, staying at home has made me a big morning wuss.

While we were driving to the dealership, I couldn't help but remember what it was like to actually have to get up and get ready and LEAVE THE HOUSE in the mornings. It has been a very, very long time since I've done that and this morning confirmed that I do not miss it. No, not one bit. Sure, I'd like to have more adult interaction, but would I like it at the expense of getting up early and SHOWERING and god help me, putting make up on? And leaving my baby at home or at daycare or wherever all day? Nope. No thanks.

I was never a very good employee. I woke up every morning dreading the work day. I drove to work trying to minimize the feelings of anxiety that enveloped me. And y'all, I really, really, really HATE mornings. And I also hate being yelled at and most of my jobs required a lot of yelling. I was miserable A LOT. After we dropped off the car and were headed to Starbucks for some much needed coffee, I told Alex that I didn't know how he gets up and does it every morning. His response? "Well, you just haven't found the right job yet."

Me: Yes I have.

Because you know what? I HAVE found the right job. This, right here, this staying at home thing. It's my job. And I love it. I like staying at home with a little person who is stuffing his face with bananas as I type this. I like changing diapers and doing nap times and doling out snacks. I like finding new activities and dragging the stroller out and visiting parks. I like taking care of the house. Y'all, I ENJOY KEEPING THE HOUSE CLEAN.

No one is more surprised by this development than me. This past weekend, my friend told me she couldn't stay at home. It just wasn't for her. And for a long time, I thought this too. I was VERY worried when it looked like I'd be staying home full time. I didn't think I was cut out for it. I wanted to go back to work. Pretty badly, actually. I cried a lot about the stress of finding a job and figuring out where my career was headed. And then, somehow, somewhere, a switch flipped. I don't know when the changed occurred. Or what exactly changed my mind. It was gradual and unexpected, but so very welcome.

I live in yoga pants and spend my days picking up after a one year old who doesn't really appreciate a dang thing I do. I read the same book 537 times a day. I pick up the same toys every single day. I sing the same songs ALL THE TIME, WE REALLY NEED SOME NEW SONGS AROUND HERE. I cut up bananas and waffles and cheese and warm up milk every single day. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

We've moved onto cheese while typing this blog entry. Yummy! And messy!