Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Yeah, it's 2008 now

I am beginning to wonder if I am cursed. Or perhaps carry the touch of death? My grandmother who was fine, FINE I TELL YOU, on Saturday, December 29th (when Alex and I left Louisiana) is now in the CCU with what amounts to a broken heart. And while I some days feel like a disappointment as a grandchild, I don't think I literally broke her heart. Right? Right?

It is surreal to think that from Saturday morning to Monday night, she went from perfectly fine to unable to breathe. At varying points throughout the day, I have gone from "I don't think I can handle this," to "This can't be happening. Not another loss. Not yet." My Maw Maw has lived through all sorts of scary hurricanes and gunfire and perhaps scariest of all, raising my father. And now she is lying in a hospital bed, unable to move, having a pump work her heart for her. It is agonizing because we have no idea what is going to happen or what we should do. And flights to New Orleans are not cheap right now, just as an FYI. Plus, I have taken off an inordinate amount of time from work recently and when I told my boss this latest development in the soap opera of Cora's life, I could tell he could hardly believe it. Not that he's a jerk or anything, but seriously. That is a lot of drama to pack into a short time period. I got married, lost a father-in-law, went home for Christmas, and then come back just in time to announce that my grandmother might not make it through the week. Even as I type that sentence, I simply cannot wrap my brain around it.

So my goal for 2009 is to begin the new year with no bad news. Because 2007 began with news of Alex's father's cancer diagnosis. And now 2008 began with this. I'm sure we will recover and I know I will be fine in the long run, but I would really appreciate a smoother ride for now.

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