Heartbreak

I found out last night that my grandfather has taken a turn for the worse. You'd think he'd be out of turns, considering how many times he goes to the hospital and comes out with a worse situation. But he has hung on despite all the badness, and God bless him for that. But I think this time is different. His kidneys are shutting down and his heart is giving him problems and he has made it clear that those doctors better not even THINK about resuscitating him.

So, my aunt and mother had to call in the assistance of hospice, which, as you might know, is a bad sign. Now, don't get me wrong. I love hospice. I really do. My family has always had a really good experience with them and they have proven over and over again to be good people. But you never ever want to see them. Ever. Because it always means that it's near the end and that just sucks.

My mom is obviously really really upset and apparently, all of this happened last week and I am only just now finding out. She has a tendency to wait until she can compose herself before telling me any kind of news. And it took her about a week to talk to me about it without crying.

It just sucks. I can't be eloquent about the pain and anger I am feeling right now. I talked Anne's ear off at dinner tonight about my family because I feel them slipping away. I can't hardly stand it.