Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Somedays, I just can't do it. The kitchen is a wreck. The bathroom is disgusting. Baskets of (clean) clothes are piled up. Toys and books are scattered across every room. Our shoes (How do we own so many shoes?) are strategically placed for everyone to trip over regularly. The trash needs to be taken out. The mail hasn't been checked in over a week. I yell at the baby. I yell at my husband. I pay more attention to my computer than my child. I fail at being a good friend. I fail at making new friends. I wonder who I am beyond Jack's mom and Alex's wife. I vaguely remember there was a time when I had hobbies and interests of my own, but I don't know what they were or how to even access that part of my brain. Instead, I sit on the couch and cry and eat a few cookies. Also, I am very, very, very fat.

I know I should end this post with the positives. Point out that the baby snuggled up to me earlier and we laid there and read books while he rested his head on the crook of my arm. Or that my husband doesn't really care that the house is a wreck and insists that if it DOES bother him, he can clean it up himself. Or that my friends are awesome and forgiving and really great at e-mailing. Or that I have a (legal) copy of photoshop just waiting for me to play with it. And a stack of books beckoning me to read them.

But I can't. I don't want to. I just feel like a big fat failure today and everything I touch is ruined. I want to hide under the covers and sleep for a thousand years.


Jenny said...

Love you, Lil. I think you're an awesome, honest person. Thanks for having the guts to say all of those things out loud!

Jodi said...

Welcome to parenting! :D

Seriously, there are days, sometimes many of them in a row like that. The important thing is that you get the shoes picked up and feel like you climbed Mt. Everest. You get the bathroom clean and treat yourself to an afternoon at the park with your gorgeous little guy.

Breathe and keeping moving forward. And maybe sneek in a bath with a good book while daddy plays with the baby.

Philly said...

Some days I eat ice cream for dinner and I swear to hubs that it helps. Love you!