At Home

For reasons unknown, Alex scheduled a 7 am drop off for our car this morning. Well, I know why he scheduled our car to be repaired. The air conditioner is all...wonky. I mean, it's working just fine, except it only blows on your feet. Which is okay for the people in the front seat, I suppose, but it's righteously hot in the back and hey guess what? We have a baby in the back seat. And we live in San Antonio, where it's only going to get hotter and the baby's sweet, sweaty little red cheeks KILL ME DEAD.

So! We need to get the car fixed. And Alex decided that 7 am was an acceptable drop off time. A decision that we both questioned MULTIPLE times after he made the appointment. We questioned that time even more when we woke up at 6:30 this morning. See, we're pretty lax about mornings around here. We let the baby wake us up and he very rarely gets up before 7. Most days he wakes up around 7:30. So we are usually blissfully unaware that 7 am exists outside of our REM cycles.

Alex got up first and showered and moved the car seat to our other car and basically was a responsible parent. I snoozed with the baby until I couldn't put it off any longer. I had already informed Alex that Jack and I would be going in our pajamas because why get dressed if you don't have to? I put a bra on, brushed my teeth and asked Alex again, WHY WERE WE UP SO EARLY? Clearly, staying at home has made me a big morning wuss.

While we were driving to the dealership, I couldn't help but remember what it was like to actually have to get up and get ready and LEAVE THE HOUSE in the mornings. It has been a very, very long time since I've done that and this morning confirmed that I do not miss it. No, not one bit. Sure, I'd like to have more adult interaction, but would I like it at the expense of getting up early and SHOWERING and god help me, putting make up on? And leaving my baby at home or at daycare or wherever all day? Nope. No thanks.

I was never a very good employee. I woke up every morning dreading the work day. I drove to work trying to minimize the feelings of anxiety that enveloped me. And y'all, I really, really, really HATE mornings. And I also hate being yelled at and most of my jobs required a lot of yelling. I was miserable A LOT. After we dropped off the car and were headed to Starbucks for some much needed coffee, I told Alex that I didn't know how he gets up and does it every morning. His response? "Well, you just haven't found the right job yet."

Me: Yes I have.

Because you know what? I HAVE found the right job. This, right here, this staying at home thing. It's my job. And I love it. I like staying at home with a little person who is stuffing his face with bananas as I type this. I like changing diapers and doing nap times and doling out snacks. I like finding new activities and dragging the stroller out and visiting parks. I like taking care of the house. Y'all, I ENJOY KEEPING THE HOUSE CLEAN.

No one is more surprised by this development than me. This past weekend, my friend told me she couldn't stay at home. It just wasn't for her. And for a long time, I thought this too. I was VERY worried when it looked like I'd be staying home full time. I didn't think I was cut out for it. I wanted to go back to work. Pretty badly, actually. I cried a lot about the stress of finding a job and figuring out where my career was headed. And then, somehow, somewhere, a switch flipped. I don't know when the changed occurred. Or what exactly changed my mind. It was gradual and unexpected, but so very welcome.

I live in yoga pants and spend my days picking up after a one year old who doesn't really appreciate a dang thing I do. I read the same book 537 times a day. I pick up the same toys every single day. I sing the same songs ALL THE TIME, WE REALLY NEED SOME NEW SONGS AROUND HERE. I cut up bananas and waffles and cheese and warm up milk every single day. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

We've moved onto cheese while typing this blog entry. Yummy! And messy!

Lunge!

I am not an athletic person. P.E. was my LEAST favorite class in school. I would dread it the entire day. ESPECIALLY if it was volleyball time, because I would get hit in the head with the ball WITHOUT fail every class. I also had a tendency to let the ball go through my arms whenever I tried to hit it. More often than not, I left gym class in tears. I remember I tried to kick the soccer ball one time and accidentally kicked one of the super popular boys in the shins. That went over well. Or there was the time my teacher wouldn't let you sit down until you successfully served a tennis ball into the opposite side of the court. I went through 20+ tennis balls. I can't hit, run, throw, or kick. You don't want me on your team for anything because I will only be an obstacle to you winning. It's a fact.

That being said, I really like working out in groups. I don't fear my athletic inabilities as much because we're all working together and not competing. I can look like an idiot and it's okay. I've been taking advantage of classes at our gym and going to Zumba and Cycle classes. They make the hour go by a lot faster and I like having fun while I work out. I recently joined one of them TEAM groups that focuses on different things. There's Team Weight Loss, Team Fitness, and Team Boot Camp. I joined Team Weight Loss because, well, I need to lose weight. Plus, I got four weeks free.

So I started last week and I'm by far the thinnest person in the class. And I feel stupidly self conscious about it. But fact is, I am totes overweight right now and the scale has not budged for the LAST SIX MONTHS, no matter how hard I work out or how I change my eating habits. So I needed SOMETHING to help me kick start my weight loss. Plus, Team Fitness SCARES me. They do walking lunges down the middle of the gym while doing bicep curls and shoulder presses with ridiculously heavy weights.

So last night our team had to do walking lunges while holding 5 pound weights. We just had to hold the weights, THANK GOODNESS, but we had to bring our knee all the way to the carpet. And get this: I was the best at it! The best! This is the first time EVER that I was the best at anything physical/athletic in a group in my ENTIRE LIFE. They kept making me go first because I was the fastest. One of the girls told me that I should be in Team Fitness and I was like...uh, no. I'm DYING here. Like, FOR REAL, my heart rate was through the roof. But still, it felt really great to be the best at something athletic for once.

So I still can't hit, kick, catch, or run. But I can lunge with the best of 'em, baby!

Seven Quick Takes - 4/16/10

1. We did our taxes fairly early this year. So early that I had a momentary panic this week when I realized taxes were due. I got really nervous and was all, "How were we going to get them done so quickly?" And then I remembered. We, uh, already got our refund. DUH.

2. I'm back on Facebook. I got everything accomplished around the house that I wanted, so I decided to get back on the wagon last week. I'm working hard on severely limiting my time on it and so far, so good. I probably should block it for the next week while I prepare for our guests that are coming next week. I have no self control! Just ask the scale!

3. Jack's favorite thing to do is walk everywhere. Anywhere and everywhere. His new thing is to walk up to me, grab my hand, and take a tour of our apartment. He grabs my hand with such resolve, like "It's time! Let's go!." I narrate the walk (Now we're in the kitchen! Here's the bathroom! There's the bed!) and we explore our little home. He really loves to walk into a room, spin, and walk right back out. If only I was that easily entertained. Also, it is just the cutest thing EVER.

4. I spent an inordinate amount of time at two different Costcos tonight. They had these cute Adidas cross trainers on sale for super cheap. I found a pair I liked but not in the perfect color combination, so we headed out to a different store. That one had NO cute cross trainers, so we back to the original Costco. I then proceeded to buy the WRONG SIZE shoe. (Yes, I AM that special. Or stupid. Whichever you want to go with.) So then I had to GO BACK IN and exchange them, only to find that they no longer had the pair in my size. What a lovely waste of time. And now I just wasted your time with the story. I could have just said, "I went to the store and didn't buy shoes. The end."

5. In cheesy pop song news, I cannot get Adam Lambert's "Whataya Want From Me" out of my head. (Also? He looks super hot in the video.) Alex keeps singing the new Jason Derulo song, which I think is hilarious because he MERCILESSLY mocked me for being obsessed with "Whatcha Say." We regularly enjoy battling it out over which lame pop song is less lame.

6. In book news, I read Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking this month as part of the Book Lushes book club. I am in the minority, I think, because I really, really enjoyed it. It's not an easy read, though. I want to recommend it to everyone, but also don't want to depress anyone either. I realize that doesn't make much sense. So talk to me about it before you read it, ok? (I am also going out of order and reading March's book now because Alex accidentally had it shipped to our old house. Woops!)

7. Glee! Glee is back! Did y'all watch? Man, I love me some Sue Sylvester. I missed her so, so, so much. And Brittany! That show makes me so happy.

Also, Easter

Easter Sunday was the day after Jack's birthday. He was two weeks old last Easter and we did...nothing. My mom managed to find a pre-packaged Easter Basket and brought it home Sunday afternoon. My mother-in-law dropped by with a stuffed bunny. And that was it. Alex and I were just too out of it to even THINK about it. I'd totally show you pictures from that first Easter, but guess what? Alex moved the locations of our pictures for the 3,935,258th time and I can't find them anywhere. (Gee, that's not annoying AT ALL, honey.)

Anyway, here's this year's basket. A basket that I actually put together. Good job me! Much better than last year's gift of...life? (Although I TOTALLY failed as the Easter Bunny and forgot to put the basket out the night before. So I had to put it together in the living room while Alex distracted Jack with his breakfast.)


We were running late that morning (Surprise!), so I was the only one around when Jack saw the basket for the first time. He had no idea what to think, until he figured out that those little colored things were kind of like balls. Balls that you can throw! And if you throw them hard enough, stuff comes out of them! (I filled them with organic crackers because I am the lamest Easter Bunny EVER.) (I really thought they were sweet when I bought them.) (I let him eat them off the floor because I felt bad they weren't candy.)


I was obsessed with finding bunny ears this year. I have NO idea why, but I just thought it'd be really cute. I had rejected some $1 bunny ears from Target a few weeks before Easter and then kicked myself when they were never to be seen again. Old Navy had some for five bucks, which seemed a little pricey, considering I didn't think Alex would even let me get them on Jack. But then! My mom insisted on going to Joann's during her visit and lo, their Easter stuff was 50% off. AND she bought them too. Hooray for grandmas!

Jack? Was not so pleased.


Doesn't he look exhausted here? He was waaaaaay off his schedule at this point. (The pajamas were a birthday gift from my grandmother. Alex thinks they're...loud. But great-grandma trumps dad in this case.)


We gave Jack a quick bath before church and got him dressed. Such a handsome little man!


We had time after church to get some cute pictures of him really exploring his basket. And again with the ears. Alex liked them, much to my surprise. And Jack tolerated them for quite a while because he was so distracted with the toys.


Here he is checking out the puzzle. (It's a Melissa and Doug one that I scored on the cheap at TJ Maxx. Oh yeah!)


And here he is with last year's basket. This is the only marker we've used to show much he has grown in his first year. He's almost as big as the basket now.


And thus concludes Easter 2010. Maybe next year the Easter Bunny will get his or her act together and bring chocolate in the basket. MAYBE.

Birthday Party!

So, this birthday thing happened.


We didn't go overboard with decorations or a theme because our guests were grandparents only. So the theme was just, uh, "birthday."




By the time we were ready to party, Jack was a little tired. We tried to get a smiling picture, but it wasn't happening. He still looked cute in his Birthday Shirt.




My mom made Jack this adorable First Birthday quilt. (You can see it draped over the Anywhere Chair in the earlier pictures.) Each of the four corners had significance. One had a little red headed boy. One had a train. Another had a bird because Jack used to sound like a baby bird when he got excited. And one has a teddy bear in honor of Cubby, Jack's one true love and best friend. He's on the only stuff animal that he tolerates. The whole thing is really adorable and special and I think he'll love it when he gets old enough to understand the concept of a quilt. Here's a close up of the center square.


Alex and I got Jack an Anywhere Chair. He doesn't quite get it. Why would you sit when you can stand? And then walk? And then fall? And then stand back up? And walk some more?


My parents also got him this helicopter which he LOVES. We took him to the store to help pick out what he wanted and he wouldn't let this go, so it won. He figured out the pull toy aspect of it really quickly. Plus it has buttons. Which are AWESOME.


My mother-in-law didn't get in until super late the night before, but we couldn't wait to have the party because my parents had to leave early on Jack's actual birthday. All of that is to say I don't have any pictures of him playing with this push toy, but believe me when I say that it is a HIT. He walks everywhere with it, squealing in glee. He also loves to ram it into the desk and the wall and the couch. Watch out if you're anywhere in his path of destruction.

After we opened presents, it was time for cake! I went with six cupcakes (one for each guest) because let's be honest, none of us really needs a whole lot of extra cake.




As you can tell, Jack was REALLY EXCITED by it. Or something.

We stripped him down to eat his first taste of full on sugar. And he really wasn't sure at first.


He got the hang of out it pretty quickly. We took probably 50-ish pictures and a 6 minute video of him eating that cupcake. I'll spare you all that and just show you that he was okay with it in the end.


After all that excitement, it was time for my parents to leave. So I forced everyone to take group pictures. I was especially excited to get this shot because we have exactly two pictures of the three of us together. (And the first one didn't happen until Jack was at least 3 months old.) So here we are, our happy little family.


I mentioned the other day that I was feeling blue about Jack turning one. I was really surprised by how difficult it was for me to accept the fact that he was a year old. I'm sure my sadness was a combination of things - my family leaving, Alex's long work hours (he didn't get home until 1:30 AM last night. AM!), plus the realization that my baby is no longer officially a baby. But it all hit me and I just sat and cried, thinking about the last year. He went from a smooshy newborn to a little boy in such a short time. And I hope I haven't failed him. I hope he had a good first. A GREAT first year. Those first three months were really terrible. Really, really terrible. I was struggling so much with the post partum depression and anxiety, that I was barely available to him or Alex. Alex and I fought way more than we normally do. And I really hate that. Really, really, really hate it. I feel like I was robbed of some of the most precious moments of my life. And I cried about that too.

But we made it. He's here. I'm here. He's all over the place. And I'm going everywhere he goes. I won't let anything stand in my way.

Still Here

We are all alive and well. My parents were here last week, my baby turned a year old, today was Easter and my mother-in-law is here until tomorrow evening. I have a million things to post but I am so tired. And unexpectedly blue about my little baby turning a year old. I hope to have more thoughts (and pictures!) soon, but I just can't do it right now. So I'll leave with a picture of possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen.


I want to eat this bunny. Nom nom nom.