Thursday, May 29, 2008

Losing It

5:20 am - Wake up.
5:20:30 am - Freak out because OMG, I woke up 30 minutes late.
5:21 am - Frantically wake up Alex, because, OMG, he has to be at the airport by 5:40.
5:40 am - Leave the house. Both of us unshowered. Alex barely packed.
6:05 am - Drop Alex off at the airport. Give a passing kiss as I practically throw him into the airport.
6:06 am - Begin driving slowly in case he misses his flight.
6:30 am - Stop for gas. Curse under my breath that gas prices are so insanely high. Receive text message that Alex is on the plane. Whew.
6:35 am - Arrive at work.
6:40 am - Eat breakfast. Still hungry. Begin to question shoe choice.
7:40 am - Leave work to go to classroom observations.
8:00 am - Arrive at school and discover there is no where to park. Wedge myself in between two large trucks under a basketball goal. Hope this is a real parking spot. Put lipstick on.
8:01 am - Curse myself for wearing the most uncomfortable shoes in the history of shoes.
8:02 am - Walk into a chaotic classroom in which I am unwelcome. Pretend not to notice.
8:03 am - It's hard not to notice.
9:00 am - Scurry away to second classroom and almost trip over Shoes of Death.
9:05 am - Realize that this is going to be a waste of my time.
9:30 am - I'm hungry.
10:00 am - I really have to pee.
10:15 am - Wondering how small the toilets are in this school. Will I break them if I use them? Best not to find out.
10:30 am - Still have to pee. Still hungry. Also starting to feel pretty nasty for not showering. Also still cursing heels.
11:00 am - Why won't the children leave? LEAVE!!!!
11:02 am - Child compliments my shoes. Almost give them to her.
11:10 am - Begin interview. Supposed to last one hour.
11:30 am - Wrap up interview and promise to continue via e-mail.
11:32 am - Stumble to car. Children playing basketball all around my poor, lonely car. Confirm that yes, it is the sole vehicle in the area and that no, that probably wasn't a parking space.
11:34 am - Think about just running one over.
11:35 am - Exit parking lot without 7th/8th grader attached.
11:50 am - Go back to work. Immediately bombarded with sales rep wanting people. Resist the urge to flip him off.
12:00 pm - Eat Lean Pocket. Wish I had two.
12:20 pm - Wondering if I can sneak a nap in the conference room.
1:00 pm - Alone in the office and eyeing the conference room. Like, for reals.
1:30 pm - Tasked with booking travel plans for my boss. Thank God this is easy to do. Remember that I haven't booked my flight back to Louisiana for my dad's surgery. Mini panic attack ensues.
1:35 pm - Realize that a flight from Dayton to Shreveport costs $1300. Wonder why anyone would ever pay $1300 to fly to SHREVEPORT.
1:40 pm - Remember that I should get my hair done this weekend.
2:00 pm - Take care of boss's travel plans and decide to go ahead and take care of my own.
2:01 pm - Remember that Alex has all the info for flight vouchers. Can't book flight even if I wanted to.
2:02 pm - Realize flight prices have increased by $100 since I checked day before yesterday.
2:03 pm - Curse myself for not booking this damn flight already.
2:05 pm - Call mother to confirm when and where I can fly in and out of. Rush conversation to an end in order to avoid crying on phone. Again.
2:10 pm - Make hair appointment. Feel better.
3:00 pm - Spider Solitaire. Something has to keep me awake.
3:30 pm - Wondering if it's possible to bend the time space continuum.
4:00 pm - Conclude it's not possible. Spider Solitaire.
4:30 pm - Begin fantasy of napping. And of taking wretched pants off.
5:00 pm - I can make it till 6! I can make it till 6!
5:15 pm - I can't make it till 6! I can't make it till 6!
5:16 pm - Leave work.
5:17 pm - Head towards Tim Horton's. The only thing in the world I want right now is a Fruit Explosion Muffin.
5:19 pm - Acquire Fruit Explosion Muffin. Decide it is a gift from the heavens. Call Alex to tell him.
5:20 pm - Alex can't talk. Sing to myself about the wonders of the muffin instead.
5:45 pm - Get home. Relax. No more appointments today! No more responsibility! Life is good!

7:01 pm - Future sister-in-law calls. Look at phone. Realize that I was supposed to be at golf lesson at 7 pm.
7:02 pm - Yep, definitely supposed to be there. Nope, don't know why the instructor's not there. Nope, don't have pants on.
7:03 pm - Realize I am an asshat for completely and totally forgetting about golf lessons.
7:05 pm - Conclude golf lessons will not be happening tonight. Get off of phone. Feel like a TOTAL IDIOT.
7:06 pm - Call Alex to tell him what a moron I am for forgetting about golf lessons. Cannot believe I left the SIL2B stranded.
7:06:30 pm - Alex does not answer. Decide to take my stupidity to the internet instead.

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