Thursday, February 02, 2006

The Claw

My mom is having her gall bladder removed. I'm not sure why, other than she is in pain and I guess her gall bladder is causing it. Honestly, I have no idea why we even have gall bladders, much less how they could possibly malfunction.

What I do know is that my mom called me. Again. Today. To talk. Some more. This time, to let me know how HAPPY she is about getting sick and put on anti-biotics. Cause that means no surgery tomorrow! She's like a kid rejoicing cause her test got cancelled. So there's another week of fun surgery nerves! Yahoo!

And really, I completely understand her anxiety. I've never had surgery and don't really want to know what it's like. I've watched enough Grey's Anatomy to know that patients die on the table. Often. Specifically when pensive and/or mournful music is wafting in the background.

But my mom is lucky, because they're apparently doing some fancy schmancy "new-fangled" surgery where they don't have to cut you open, but rather make some holes and suck your organ right on out. This makes it a non-major surgery and reduces the recovery time. So that's awesome. But again, how does this work? Will one of the surgeons be sucking it through with a straw? Is it like those toy machines where they operate the claw with a joystick and hope they grab the right thing? If so, will there be little aliens, like in Toy Story, worshipping the claw as it picks up a not-so-vital organ? And most importantly, what kind of music will waft through the OR?

No idea. But if she's lucky, her surgeon will look like Patrick Dempsey. And frankly, don't you feel safer knowing that a guy nicknamed McDreamy is taking your organ out?

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