Sunday, March 13, 2005

Fear Itself

I was listening to Michelle Branch on the way home from the bookstore and realized that I am absolutely in love with her "Hotel Paper" cd. I originally thought I liked "The Spirit Room" better because it was more poppy and peppy and less encumbered with the "I'm in love with a married man" theme. But as I drove in the dark, singing loudly to Michelle's emotionally torn past, I realized that I liked the complicated nature of her lyrics. It's obvious she was conflicted about falling for a married man. She wanted to be with him, but at the same time, you know, he's married. And I could identify with the "I want him. I want him not." feelings. Which is probably why I felt the need to sing for so loud and so long tonight.

Now don't get me wrong, I've never fallen for a married man, THANK YOU GOD, but it's so totally something I could see myself doing because I'm just that stupid. It's one of those irrational fears that I have. Seriously. It competely terrifies me. For no good reason. I think I've just made enough mistakes with enough guys that I figure nothing is off limits anymore. Which is good and sad all at the same time. May that fear keep me far, far away from future stupid relationship-py decisions.

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