Thursday, July 27, 2006

Underwears

My new apartment didn't come with a washer and dryer. Fortunately, my new boyfriend did. But the problem is that I'm not very smart and I keep leaving my clean laundry at his house. So the other day, I headed to Target to purchase more underwear and up my stash. My mom would be so proud of me if she read this blog because I had the presence of mind to actually comparison shop. I was looking at Hanes (my usual standby), but then, with visions of grapes and apples dancing in my head, I headed down to check out the Fruit of the Loom. And low and behold, they had 7 pairs of undewear for a mere 20 cents more! So with much joy, I grabbed those 7 pairs of panties and ran to the check out line. And by "ran," I mean, "shopped around for another hour."

After Target, I went to the gym and then headed home for a shower. I went to get out my fun, new, and affordable underwear and hastily opened it. I untaped that first little bundle of white, cottony joy and what do I see? They're HUGE. Absolutely freaking humongous. I stopped and looked at the package and yes, I did indeed buy my normal size. What I didn't realize was that Fruit of the Loom sizes their underwear way smaller than normal people pants. Which...great. So now I'm half undressed at my apartment with no clean underwear and a tremendous need to take a shower. I even tried on the huge granny panties in the hopes that maybe I grossly misunderstood the size of my behind, but no, thankfully, my butt is NOT THAT BIG.

So I grabbed the only thing I could think. A teensy tiny pair of gray biking short-thingies. There was a slight problem, though. I had purchased these back when I was a freshman in college and doing aerobics with that cute little girl who wanted you to praise the Lord (!) while burning calories. (I was a really modest kid and felt like my shorts were a little short and didn't want people seeing too much of me when working my quads and hammies.) I have gained approximately 467 pounds since I was in college, so my ass is considerably, and I do mean CONSIDERABLY larger now. And these shorts were a SMALL. But I wasn't yet prepared to go commando, so squeeze into the shorts I did. I'm sure I looked really awesome while I walked around my apartment squealing and breathing and crying while trying to fit into them. I eventually got them on and promised myself I wouldn't go to the bathroom for at least another 6 hours.

But don't be down, dear readers! Because not only did I buy too-big underwear while at Target, I also purchased a super cute purse.


Ok, so it's not REALLY super cute. But guess how much it cost? A mere $8.48!!! Now look at it again, isn't that a cute purse?

I tried to get a cool picture of the price tag for this post, but it didn't work out well. I was using Alex's camera, so he gave it a shot and didn't have a lot of luck either. He and I are not artistic photographers. He did, however, get this super cute shot of me and my baby...well, the furry baby.


Also, I returned the too-huge underwear to Target later that night and the little girl in front of me in line had on Crocs....a red one and a purple one. I wish I was 4 years old again.

3 comments:

Alex said...

Who's hideous couch is that?? That thing is ugly.

phil said...

Hehe…you used the word “panties”! I like the pic!

Leah said...

That's a pretty freakin' awesome picture. And there's nothing that makes me happy quite like a red Target discount tag.