Wednesday, April 01, 2009

It's the Final Countdown

We are scheduled to be at the hospital at 4 am to begin the induction. So there you have it.

I'm having a baby tomorrow.

I...don't know what to say. I've contemplated what I would post today and nothing seems to do. I'm on the brink of a life changing event and I have no idea how to adequately express my feelings. Alex has already posted about this today and he is all mushy and sweet. So if you're looking for something sentimental, there's somewhere to go.

Right now, I can't really focus on the baby portion of the event, because all I can think about is the terrifying parts leading up to said baby. I've never been in the hospital before. I've never had an IV before. I've certainly never had a needle inserted in my spine before (I know that part is optional). It just seems icky. Like, I am going in tomorrow to knowingly intake a drug that will put me in A LOT OF PAIN. And I'm having trouble seeing past that part because the fact that there will be an actual BABY at the end of it all seems absolutely preposterous. And I know everyone says it's worth it and that in the end, none of it matters, but I can't wrap my brain around it yet. All I know is this. Me. Pregnant. Me. In pain. I don't know the future. I don't know him. Us. A three person family. I still think of myself as a 12-year-old girl most days. Who said I could have a baby?

Maybe part of it is I'm a little disappointed that we don't get to wait to do it the natural way with the contractions at home and the rushed, excited trip to the hospital, hoping that I'm dilated enough that they let me in the happy place with the drugs. I always assumed that's how my labor process would go. But it's not. And I'm okay with it, but it just seems so surreal and wrong and COMPLETELY not what I have thought about my ENTIRE LIFE. I've been mentally preparing for something that isn't going to happen and I need to change my focus a bit. I guess I thought I'd be better prepared if I could start contracting at home in my comfortable bed and easy access to my things. But I don't know. Nothing really prepares you and that's all there is to it.

In the interest of adding some levity AND some non-baby (yet still baby-related) talk on this post, I now present to you a list of things I'm looking forward to doing once I'm not pregnant.

1. Drinking a Diet Coke(s).
2. Drinking a CAFFEINATED Skinny Vanilla Latte. (Venti)
3. Shaving my legs. (I can still do this one, but WOW, it is hard.)
4. Painting my toenails. (Alex did his best, God bless him.)
5. Leaning forward without feeling like I'm breaking the baby/me.
6. Laying on my stomach.
7. Laying on my back.
8. Getting out of bed quickly and without assistance.
9. Going longer than an hour or so without peeing.
10. Eating normal amounts of food.
11. Eating pizza, lasagna, pad thai, and lunch meat.
12. Wearing whatever shoes I want because my feet and legs will be normal sized.

I'll see you on the flip side, guys. Next time we meet, I'll be a mom. Now I have to try and sleep. Because tomorrow? My life completely changes.


philly said...

Happy baby day!!!

The Crows said...

Yea!!!! You can do it!!!