I'm just complaining here

Oof, how is it already almost two weeks since I posted? I'm telling you man, babies take up a lot of time.

So here's the deal. My incision opened back up about 4 days after I had Emma (blog baby name!). I noticed it bleeding one night and my doctor told me to come in the next day. There, they discovered a hematoma tunneling under the wound. There was blood EVERYWHERE. They cleaned it out, packed it with gauze, and sent me to wound care at my local hospital. Wound care saw my wound and were kind of appalled at the thing. Apparently all of my stitches were gone and nothing had healed at all.

I came back the next day for them to repack the wound, but they discovered another hematoma and the PA was able to completely open my wound back up just using a Q tip. Apparently things looked Bad because they called in a surgeon. She took one look at me and was like, "I want you admitted to the hospital." She didn't think I was going to need another surgery, but she wanted to do a CT scan, give me IV antibiotics, and monitor me more closely. Fortunately the CT scan came back clear, so surgery was officially off the table and I was able to go home the next day.

I finally got the wound vac installed this Friday before last and it's already significantly sped up the healing process. The problem is that the dressing change for this thing is PAINFUL. And it has to happen 3 times a week. I dread, dread, dread going in for it.

I also decided to to stop exclusively pumping, so I'm in the process of weaning myself from that. And let me tell you, that hurts too. Like, way more than I was expecting. I didn't pump this much for Jack so I guess that's why the weaning process was so much easier last time? I don't know.

So what I'm trying to tell you is that everything hurts.

And I know it's not the end of the world and there are lots of people who have things way worse. I know it's going to get better. I know I won't be hooked up to this wound vac for forever and my boobs will eventually dry up (Right?) and Emma will start sleeping for longer stretches of time. I know I won't be in pain for forever. I know I will sleep again. But sometimes that's hard to believe when you're in the middle of it. You know?

Alex goes back to work tomorrow and I am on my own with both kids. Just me and them and the wound vac. I'm anxious to see how we'll all survive.