Office Space

I'm still getting used to my new job and the dynamics of working in the office. I like the people I work with, I really do. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by nice people, most of whom I can stand to be in the presence of. (Check out the ending of that sentence! A preposition just hanging there in the balance! I make my professors proud cause I learnt real good!) The problem is that I don't think the feeling is mutual. I get left out of a lot of stuff...lunch orders, betting pools, etc. People will be conversing about things I know about; Pop culture things that get my blood racing and the sarcastic comments flowing and then...they don't talk to me. They don't really want my opinion; they just want to talk over my head. I know part of it is because I'm shy and quiet and I'm a transfer and friends with a VP's kid. I get that. I'd probably be leery of me too. But since I'm naturally a social recluse, I'm struggling to find ways to jump in there. And I'm trying. But the problem is that things aren't going well.

What I'm saying is that I wind up sounding like an idiot most days. I'll jump into a conversation and they'll look at me like, "Who are you again?" I pop my head up when people start talking about stuff I can relate to and am ceremoniously ignored. Which leads to me looking like one of those moles in the arcade that you bonk on the head.

Example: I needed something from one of my co-workers today. He was kind enough to go get it and bring it to me. Score, right? He didn't have to do that and I certainly didn't ask him too. I was actually just expecting him to tell me where to go look. So I was already in a good mood and appreciative for the help. So he brings the stack of papers over and plops it on the edge of my desk, sending a pink pen flying off into the trash can. It was pretty funny and dramatic. He fumbled around and had to retrieve the pen from the trash, so I said, "Way to throw the pink pen in the trash can!" I was expecting a smartass remark back, but instead he gesticulates and moves his mouth, but no sounds come. None. Silence. Then he turns and walks away. AWKWARD. (Now, in his defense, I thought I said it in my best good nature/teasing/sarcastic voice. But after it was said and done, I realized I sounded breathy and nervous. I never could make it on American Idol with those kinds of nerves!)

But here's the thing, this guy can handle teasing. He once told my boss to blow him, for crying out loud. It's not like he's missing a sense of humor or that the art of sarcasm is lost on him. And yet, when I jump in that arena with him, he makes inaudible cries for help and flees. Ok, ok, so it wasn’t the wittiest comment ever, but again, this is the guy who thinks “Blow me” is an appropriate response when told to do something. He's not a master of the eloquent. And he curses an insanely large amount at the office. I've never heard the "F" word used so much in a workplace in my life. (Isn't it so cute who I won't write the explicative out? I'm adorable!)

And later today, he and a few other people were gathered around a computer giggling and joking about some MySpace someone had found. And I sat in my corner with my laptop and typed furiously.

So maybe next time I should use an explicative or make a sexual reference when I try joking around. Think that'll work?