Psuedo-Blind Date

Check out this cute little guy I got at Starbucks tonight. I saw him a long time ago around Valentine's Day and didn't get him because, you know, I don't really NEED a preppy teddy bear with a cute pink flower in its hand. But there was one lone one left this evening on clearance and I just had to get him. He was so cute and little and on sale. How could I resist?

Remember the German guy who thought I was pretty? Well, he and I have been talking more and he asked me if I'd like to go to dinner with him this weekend. I, of course, agreed and was pretty excited since I haven't had a date since Columbus discovered America. The plan was to meet at Barnes and Noble, browse the books, and then head to Applebee's for dinner. I was imagining a night of coffee and conversation and possibly a book purchase.

I really need to curb my imagination.

So I get there and he is not there. I'm not that surprised because I'm a little early. I'm also a little nervous. So I decided to go to the bathroom. This meant I had to cross the electronic barrier that is in place to keep you from shoplifting CD's and DVD's. And, of course, the alarm goes off. Apparently, my iPod is sensitive to that kind of a thing. I was halfway expecting him to come walking up after the loud noise sounded and my face had turned red. But no, nothing. I was safe. I went to the bathroom and came out with a watchful eye. I saw somebody who looked like him, but I wasn't for sure. I have to be honest, my very first reaction was to bolt. In fact, I did start to walk very quickly in the opposite direction and hid behind a bookcase. I finally decided that I needed to suck it up and meet him. I couldn't be a jerk and stand him up! Since I knew the alarm would go off if I crossed back into the electronic section, I decided to plant myself by a display of books and browse. Dude passed me like, 40 times. He kept walking by and walking by and I was like, “You know what? It was your idea, come TALK TO ME.” I finally got frustrated and put down my book to leave, when he stopped me and asked if I was “Cora.” (Totally not my real name and feels weird to type that!)

We had a tiny little awkward conversation and he apologized for circling me like a bird of prey. I said it was okay and he asked if I was ready for dinner. I was like, “Sure. Always ready for food!” And then he asked me where I parked and then paused because he couldn't remember where he had parked. I tried to tell him that we should go out the other way, but he cut me off and said he just needed to pick a direction and go with it. Then he sprinted through the electronic section. I tried to stop him and explain that I'd prefer to walk around, otherwise the alarm would go off. But apparently his hearing isn't so great when he's fleeing. I rushed after him and, of course, the alarm went off. And, of course, he didn't even stop. He barely hesitated. I ran after him and it went off again as we exited the building. Did this bother him? Possibly, and maybe that's why he was rushing away. Didn't want to be caught with the loser making the alarm go off repeatedly. I caught up with him outside and he was like, “I'm still up for Applebee's, but I don't know where it is.” (We had decided to meet in a "neutral" location.) I pointed out where it was and he said, “Okay, see you there. If I get lost, you'll have to eat by yourself!”

So I had to drive myself to dinner, which was totally not what I was expecting. Like, really? We can't ride together? Particularly if you don't know where you're going? I immediately called BGF and said, “I'm driving myself to Applebee's.” To which he responded, “Did you bring your debit card? Cause I bet you're gonna have to pay for dinner too.”

So we get to the restaurant and he says something about not thinking there will be a wait. On the inside, I said, “Yeah right.” But on the outside, I said, “Hope not! I’m hungry!” I’m stupid. I should have said, “Yeah, right.” Because stating that I didn’t want to wait, apparently made him think that not waiting was the only option. When we walked in, I said a table for two and he totally overrode me with, “How long is your wait?” When she said 40 – 45 minutes, he did that annoying, “Mmmmm, I don't know about that face,” and I was like, IT'S FINE I'M NOT DRIVING ANYWHERE ELSE.

So the entire time we were waiting for our table, he kept making comments about how he wished we could sit down and how uncomfortable it was and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

So when the hostess called our name, we went to go to our table. And again, he practically ran to the table. I had to stop because I almost got run over by an incoming waitress. This did not phase him. Probably because he does not have super special seeing eyes in the back of his head.

We sat down and ordered and things got a little bit better. He seemed to relax a little and we conversed and I was hoping that things were taking a turn for the better.

Then the food came.

And all conversation stopped. Ceased. Ended. Halted. Complete and total silence. So awkward.

I was looking at him and trying to think of things to talk about, but I was really distracted by LSU winning and he was so not into it. I said something about it and he was like, "Huh." And so I just kept looking around.

Then the bill came. And it sat. And sat. And sat. And just when I thought it couldn't sit any longer. It sat. MORE. Silently. Just like us.

FINALLY, he reached for it and I was getting ready to make a move for my purse, when he said, "Since you drove so far, I'll pay." I was like "Um, thanks?" Obviously, I was aware at this point that this was either 1) not a date or 2) an awkward joke of a date. So I decided to take the free meal and smile.

He finally decided it was time to go and, true to form, sprinted to the door. I ran after him and met him outside. He turned to me and said, "Well, goodbye!"

He started to turn away and I managed to get out, "Thankyoufordinner" before he got a chance to escape. He said, "No problem. Have a safe trip." And that was it. He was gone just as he came and I was left standing alone in front of Applebee's at 7:30 pm on a Saturday night.