Oof, how is it already almost two weeks since I posted? I'm telling you man, babies take up a lot of time.
So here's the deal. My incision opened back up about 4 days after I had Emma (blog baby name!). I noticed it bleeding one night and my doctor told me to come in the next day. There, they discovered a hematoma tunneling under the wound. There was blood EVERYWHERE. They cleaned it out, packed it with gauze, and sent me to wound care at my local hospital. Wound care saw my wound and were kind of appalled at the thing. Apparently all of my stitches were gone and nothing had healed at all.
I came back the next day for them to repack the wound, but they discovered another hematoma and the PA was able to completely open my wound back up just using a Q tip. Apparently things looked Bad because they called in a surgeon. She took one look at me and was like, "I want you admitted to the hospital." She didn't think I was going to need another surgery, but she wanted to do a CT scan, give me IV antibiotics, and monitor me more closely. Fortunately the CT scan came back clear, so surgery was officially off the table and I was able to go home the next day.
I finally got the wound vac installed this Friday before last and it's already significantly sped up the healing process. The problem is that the dressing change for this thing is PAINFUL. And it has to happen 3 times a week. I dread, dread, dread going in for it.
I also decided to to stop exclusively pumping, so I'm in the process of weaning myself from that. And let me tell you, that hurts too. Like, way more than I was expecting. I didn't pump this much for Jack so I guess that's why the weaning process was so much easier last time? I don't know.
So what I'm trying to tell you is that everything hurts.
And I know it's not the end of the world and there are lots of people who have things way worse. I know it's going to get better. I know I won't be hooked up to this wound vac for forever and my boobs will eventually dry up (Right?) and Emma will start sleeping for longer stretches of time. I know I won't be in pain for forever. I know I will sleep again. But sometimes that's hard to believe when you're in the middle of it. You know?
Alex goes back to work tomorrow and I am on my own with both kids. Just me and them and the wound vac. I'm anxious to see how we'll all survive.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
The Final Countdown
I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, so a shortened entry today will have to do.
I'M HAVING A BABY TODAY, OMG.
That's really what I've mostly been thinking about these past few hours. Also: HOW AM I SO THIRSTY ALREADY, I STILL HAVE 6 HOURS TO GO, OMG.
So yes, C Section is scheduled for this afternoon and I had to stop eating and drinking at 7 am. I got up at 6:15 and ate a very large breakfast and drank as much water as I could, but it doesn't matter because I want to drink all the water NOW. And I've still got 5 hours to go, as of this writing. I can't remember if they gave me water or ice chips in recovery last time. Will they give me something in recovery? I hope so, because the nice anesthesia lady who called me last night said I'd be in there for 2 hours.
I took some extra time with Jack this morning and cuddled him a little more than normal. We took pictures since today is his last day of being an only child. He is...oblivious. We sent him to school so he'd have a pretty normal day before everything goes kablooey.
My friends and family, you know, Y'ALL, have been wonderful and amazing and supportive and I've been so happy to get all of your e-mails and texts and facebook messages and comments. It's been really helping me keep my spirits up and take the focus off of FREAKING OUT over the surgery and the baby.
So that's it. We made it to today. I occasionally thought this day may never come during the past 9 months. But it's here. Let's do this.
I'M HAVING A BABY TODAY, OMG.
That's really what I've mostly been thinking about these past few hours. Also: HOW AM I SO THIRSTY ALREADY, I STILL HAVE 6 HOURS TO GO, OMG.
So yes, C Section is scheduled for this afternoon and I had to stop eating and drinking at 7 am. I got up at 6:15 and ate a very large breakfast and drank as much water as I could, but it doesn't matter because I want to drink all the water NOW. And I've still got 5 hours to go, as of this writing. I can't remember if they gave me water or ice chips in recovery last time. Will they give me something in recovery? I hope so, because the nice anesthesia lady who called me last night said I'd be in there for 2 hours.
I took some extra time with Jack this morning and cuddled him a little more than normal. We took pictures since today is his last day of being an only child. He is...oblivious. We sent him to school so he'd have a pretty normal day before everything goes kablooey.
My friends and family, you know, Y'ALL, have been wonderful and amazing and supportive and I've been so happy to get all of your e-mails and texts and facebook messages and comments. It's been really helping me keep my spirits up and take the focus off of FREAKING OUT over the surgery and the baby.
So that's it. We made it to today. I occasionally thought this day may never come during the past 9 months. But it's here. Let's do this.
Monday, January 02, 2012
Panic
I know I've mentioned before that I had a really terrible experience with post partum depression and anxiety after Jack was born. The depression wasn't anything new...I've been mega depressed before, so while it is not fun or pretty or easy, I can usually slog through it because I've been there before. But the anxiety was something altogether new. I had never had a panic attack before, never even knew what exactly they were, and was COMPLETELY unprepared for them. It took an embarrassing long amount of time for me to figure out what was going on (I was pretty much convinced I was dying.) and they really didn't start to abate until I got back on anti-depressants, this time with an extra dose of anti-anxiety meds thrown in for good measure.
I chose to get off of the anti-depressants again this pregnancy because I'm dumb. I really should have just stayed on them, but it's hard for me to go against what my doctor recommends even if that doctor is a total jerk face who lied to me and was clearly unconcerned about my well being. (I've since switched doctors and my current OB was, surprise!, totally okay with me getting back on anti-depressants if I needed it.)
So unsurprisingly, my anxiety level during this pregnancy has been kind of high. Things haven't been TOO bad (I haven't cried everyday! I voluntarily leave the house!) And I think it's been better because 1) we planned this pregnancy and 2) I am now aware that babies and toddlers can be fun and lovely and wonderful and not life-ruiners. But that's not to say this has been easy. Oh no, it's been a battle. I'm not completely even keel and have been on edge for most of the past 8 months. (Just ask my husband what a joy I've been!) The difference this time is that I knew to look for this and have been better able to fight it...with varying degrees of success.
Last night, I had a pretty sweet panic attack that came out of the blue. Definitely the worst one of this pregnancy. I'm not even certain what caused it and I think that's one reason why I had such a hard time with it. Usually I can feel the panic creeping in and am able to fight it off with prayer and deep breathing and positive thoughts and distractions and whatever else. But this hit me like a ton of bricks and I was panicking before I even really knew what was happening. I shouldn't be surprised since I've noticed my anxiety level rising as my due date draws closer. (I am DREADING having another C Section and the subsequent recovery. Not to mention the normal fears of having a new life for which you are responsible.) I wound up in our bedroom rocking and trying to focus and calm down and breathe, breathe, BREATHE while Alex and Jack were rough housing on our bed. Alex knew something was up and I was trying to calmly tell him what was going on without freaking out and scaring Jack. I didn't do a good enough job because Jack noticed something was wrong. He got a very serious look on his face and walked over me intently. Then he said, "Don't worry, Mama."
And oh man, you guys, it was the SWEETEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND MY HEART EXPLODED IN A BAZILLION PIECES. I gave him a hug and he ran off to play and he was completely oblivious to me once again. At first I blew it off because what does he know? He's 2! But then I got to thinking that he's right. I shouldn't worry. Things are going to be okay. And maybe God was using him to speak to me. I felt this weird sense of comfort as I kept focusing on his little innocent face telling me not to worry. It still took a while for everything to settle back to normal, but I can definitely say that him telling me not worry was the turning point.
I have no good way to wrap up this story and there's really no point, unless you want to take away that the best way to stop a panic attack is to get an adorable 2 year old to tell you not to worry. But I've thought about it again and again today as I entered super-mega-OMG-we'rehavingababyin2weeks-wemustbuythingsandcleanthehouseNOW!!!!!!!!! mode.
And I thought you'd like to know. He thinks I'm going to be okay. I think so too.
I chose to get off of the anti-depressants again this pregnancy because I'm dumb. I really should have just stayed on them, but it's hard for me to go against what my doctor recommends even if that doctor is a total jerk face who lied to me and was clearly unconcerned about my well being. (I've since switched doctors and my current OB was, surprise!, totally okay with me getting back on anti-depressants if I needed it.)
So unsurprisingly, my anxiety level during this pregnancy has been kind of high. Things haven't been TOO bad (I haven't cried everyday! I voluntarily leave the house!) And I think it's been better because 1) we planned this pregnancy and 2) I am now aware that babies and toddlers can be fun and lovely and wonderful and not life-ruiners. But that's not to say this has been easy. Oh no, it's been a battle. I'm not completely even keel and have been on edge for most of the past 8 months. (Just ask my husband what a joy I've been!) The difference this time is that I knew to look for this and have been better able to fight it...with varying degrees of success.
Last night, I had a pretty sweet panic attack that came out of the blue. Definitely the worst one of this pregnancy. I'm not even certain what caused it and I think that's one reason why I had such a hard time with it. Usually I can feel the panic creeping in and am able to fight it off with prayer and deep breathing and positive thoughts and distractions and whatever else. But this hit me like a ton of bricks and I was panicking before I even really knew what was happening. I shouldn't be surprised since I've noticed my anxiety level rising as my due date draws closer. (I am DREADING having another C Section and the subsequent recovery. Not to mention the normal fears of having a new life for which you are responsible.) I wound up in our bedroom rocking and trying to focus and calm down and breathe, breathe, BREATHE while Alex and Jack were rough housing on our bed. Alex knew something was up and I was trying to calmly tell him what was going on without freaking out and scaring Jack. I didn't do a good enough job because Jack noticed something was wrong. He got a very serious look on his face and walked over me intently. Then he said, "Don't worry, Mama."
And oh man, you guys, it was the SWEETEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND MY HEART EXPLODED IN A BAZILLION PIECES. I gave him a hug and he ran off to play and he was completely oblivious to me once again. At first I blew it off because what does he know? He's 2! But then I got to thinking that he's right. I shouldn't worry. Things are going to be okay. And maybe God was using him to speak to me. I felt this weird sense of comfort as I kept focusing on his little innocent face telling me not to worry. It still took a while for everything to settle back to normal, but I can definitely say that him telling me not worry was the turning point.
I have no good way to wrap up this story and there's really no point, unless you want to take away that the best way to stop a panic attack is to get an adorable 2 year old to tell you not to worry. But I've thought about it again and again today as I entered super-mega-OMG-we'rehavingababyin2weeks-wemustbuythingsandcleanthehouseNOW!!!!!!!!! mode.
And I thought you'd like to know. He thinks I'm going to be okay. I think so too.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Seven Quick Takes
1. Potty training is going much better today. Yesterday was awful again (Alex got peed on 3 times just while I was at the doctor), but we started to see a little progress last night. And then Jack woke up this morning telling us he had to go. We have had an accident-free morning and I'm hopeful that we've turned the corner. It's certainly been nice not having to clean up pee all day today.
2. The 3 day potty training method sort of worked, but I'm not sure it was the best method for us. We kind of had to force him to go, which is very much against what the book says. We also discovered that the reward system has very little impact on Jack...he could care less about sticker charts or jelly beans, and that's the BIG thing in the book. I'm still glad I bought the book because it did have some good tips in it, but we definitely had to do things differently than her prescribed method in order to see any results.
3. The book did recommend getting a Baby Bjorn potty chair and I second that recommendation. We already had a cheap one that I bought at Toys R Us a long time and it's kind of terrible. It doesn't stay together and the pee goes into the bottom part, so you have to take it apart every time to clean it and dump out the top and bottom and it's just a headache. The Baby Bjorn is SUPER easy to clean up and is much sturdier. We were a little worried at first because Jack doesn't like to sit on it...but it turns out he doesn't like sitting on the either one of them, so the Baby Bjorn wins.
4. So as I mentioned the other day, I'm 36 weeks pregnant now. Which means we are at the point of no return. I am having this baby if I go into labor. So far, there is no indication that that is going to happen, but I always feel a slight panic when I reach this point in pregnancy because it all becomes very real, very fast. We could have a new baby today! It's an actual possibility! Maybe I should pack a hospital bag! And now I have extra things to worry about like, who's going to watch our child that's already out of the womb? I wake up worrying about this around 3 am every morning. It makes for a very restful night's sleep.
5. I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I'm really enjoying it so far. I really wish there was some option to let it know that I'm massively pregnant and not just a big, lazy couch potato, though. It's also been interesting tracking my sleep, because lo, I am inefficient at sleep these days. I think I'll like it even more after I've recovered from having the baby and able to exercise regularly again. Right now, I log in and laugh at how short I fall at all of my activity goals everyday.
6. You know what show I'm really into right now? Storage Wars. My sister-in-law watched it while she was here over Thanksgiving and now I'm totally addicted. We will DVR it and then watch 3 or 4 episodes in a row because I always want to know what they're going to find next. We've also started watching Storage Wars: Texas which has the added benefit of being in places we actually know. The first episode took place at a storage facility that Alex has been to. And they also went to the Cavender boots in Plano that we drive by often.
7. I think I'm going to take a nap now. I've been taking full advantage of Alex being home this week because I know my nap times will be short to non-existent here in a few weeks. Good night!
2. The 3 day potty training method sort of worked, but I'm not sure it was the best method for us. We kind of had to force him to go, which is very much against what the book says. We also discovered that the reward system has very little impact on Jack...he could care less about sticker charts or jelly beans, and that's the BIG thing in the book. I'm still glad I bought the book because it did have some good tips in it, but we definitely had to do things differently than her prescribed method in order to see any results.
3. The book did recommend getting a Baby Bjorn potty chair and I second that recommendation. We already had a cheap one that I bought at Toys R Us a long time and it's kind of terrible. It doesn't stay together and the pee goes into the bottom part, so you have to take it apart every time to clean it and dump out the top and bottom and it's just a headache. The Baby Bjorn is SUPER easy to clean up and is much sturdier. We were a little worried at first because Jack doesn't like to sit on it...but it turns out he doesn't like sitting on the either one of them, so the Baby Bjorn wins.
4. So as I mentioned the other day, I'm 36 weeks pregnant now. Which means we are at the point of no return. I am having this baby if I go into labor. So far, there is no indication that that is going to happen, but I always feel a slight panic when I reach this point in pregnancy because it all becomes very real, very fast. We could have a new baby today! It's an actual possibility! Maybe I should pack a hospital bag! And now I have extra things to worry about like, who's going to watch our child that's already out of the womb? I wake up worrying about this around 3 am every morning. It makes for a very restful night's sleep.
5. I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I'm really enjoying it so far. I really wish there was some option to let it know that I'm massively pregnant and not just a big, lazy couch potato, though. It's also been interesting tracking my sleep, because lo, I am inefficient at sleep these days. I think I'll like it even more after I've recovered from having the baby and able to exercise regularly again. Right now, I log in and laugh at how short I fall at all of my activity goals everyday.
6. You know what show I'm really into right now? Storage Wars. My sister-in-law watched it while she was here over Thanksgiving and now I'm totally addicted. We will DVR it and then watch 3 or 4 episodes in a row because I always want to know what they're going to find next. We've also started watching Storage Wars: Texas which has the added benefit of being in places we actually know. The first episode took place at a storage facility that Alex has been to. And they also went to the Cavender boots in Plano that we drive by often.
7. I think I'm going to take a nap now. I've been taking full advantage of Alex being home this week because I know my nap times will be short to non-existent here in a few weeks. Good night!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Blergh
So how was your Christmas? Ours was fine. I had a really rough time of it this year. I've been missing my grandmother A LOT and it just didn't "feel" like Christmas since we weren't in Louisiana. (Plus, I am just TIRED and BIG and ready to be done with this pregnancy.) Despite my difficulties this month, Christmas Day went better than I thought it would. My parents drove us (slightly) less crazy than usual and Jack handled everything pretty well. I think he definitely had a good Christmas and that was the most important thing to me.
But that's not why I'm posting. We decided that a good time to potty train was this week. It made sense BEFORE we did it because we're 3 weeks from the new baby and Alex is off of work. We're doing the 3 Day Potty Training method and as of right now, I hate it. We finished Day 2 today and it has been AWFUL. Like, really, really, really awful. I don't want to go into detail because I'd like for Jack to not resent me when he's a grown up for posting about his potty training experience on the internet. But oh man, do I need a vacation.
I have to leave Alex alone with him tomorrow morning for a good 2 hours or so for my 36 week (!) check up and I'm kind of desperately hoping it will click while I'm gone and when I come home, he'll magically understand how to go in the potty.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I know! Let's hope we survive the rest of the week, shall we?
But that's not why I'm posting. We decided that a good time to potty train was this week. It made sense BEFORE we did it because we're 3 weeks from the new baby and Alex is off of work. We're doing the 3 Day Potty Training method and as of right now, I hate it. We finished Day 2 today and it has been AWFUL. Like, really, really, really awful. I don't want to go into detail because I'd like for Jack to not resent me when he's a grown up for posting about his potty training experience on the internet. But oh man, do I need a vacation.
I have to leave Alex alone with him tomorrow morning for a good 2 hours or so for my 36 week (!) check up and I'm kind of desperately hoping it will click while I'm gone and when I come home, he'll magically understand how to go in the potty.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I know! Let's hope we survive the rest of the week, shall we?
Friday, December 02, 2011
Advent
Hey! So it's been...6 months. What have I not told you? We bought a house. We moved to Dallas. Oh, and I got pregnant. Scheduled C Section on January 17th, so we're a mere 6 weeks away from becoming a family of four. Surprise! I could probably say more about this, but who cares? Let's talk about Christmas!
So I'm doing an advent calendar this year with Jack. I didn't bother with one last year because he was only 20-ish months old and I didn't think he'd get the concept. Honestly, I wasn't so sure he'd get the concept this year either, but I figured I should start NOW in order to set the tradition. It should be good practice for next year when he'll be 3.5 and hopefully really into Christmas.
And since this was just a practice one, I didn't go all out. I used yarn I already had. I bought Christmas cards from the dollar bin in Target and got some stickers and cheap markers. As you can tell from the photo above, there's also only 9 envelopes. This is because the blasted thing will not stay UP. Alex and I have had to hang that string up a bazillion times. It's beyond annoying. I think I've finally got it secured enough with 3 of those little sticky patch things on each side (Again, we already had these laying around the house. I was going to use push pins but, surprise! We can't find them.) I have since added bows to cover up the ugly patch stuff, but haven't tried adding any more envelopes. I also didn't want to string anything lower because I was afraid Jack would just rip it all down. Also? Let's be honest, he doesn't care. AT ALL.
Here's my list of activities. You'll notice that we have "Read a new Christmas book!" several times because I bought 5 of them from the Scholastic order form at his school and have been saving them. I tried to use those on school days when he'd already have a bunch of stuff going on. I also cheated and used his Christmas program and party for school as activities even though those were going to happen anyway.
1 Read a new Christmas book!
2 Color in a new Christmas coloring book
3 Read a new Christmas book!
4 Visit Santa
5 Make an ornament
6 Read a new Christmas book!
7 Shop for a gift for cousin Abby
8 Go to the Christmas program at school
9 Buy a toy and drop it off for Toys for Tots
10 Go to a Christmas concert
11 Go see the Christmas trains
12 Make a Christmas decoration
13 Read a new Christmas book!
14 Make a Christmas card
15 Go to the Christmas party at school
16 Watch a Christmas movie
17 Bake and decorate sugar cookies
18 Read the Christmas story from your Bible
19 Make a gingerbread house
20 Read a new Christmas book!
21 Make an ornament
22 Go on a car ride to look at Christmas lights
23 Drink hot chocolate and eat a candy cane
24 Open one gift tonight
25 Merry Christmas!!!
I'm probably going to change up the order on some of these, depending on how the day is going and if we need to mix stuff up. I have yet to procure a Christmas movie, so feel free to suggest something a 2.5 year old boy who can't even finish the movie Cars and hates Toy Story might enjoy.
So how has it gone so far? Okay. Day 1 was a total bust. He was tired and grumpy by the time we got to open the envelope and he refused to unwrap the book (this one). He wasn't interested in reading it AT ALL and flipped through it quickly. I'm hoping he'll be more interested in it as the month goes on. Day 2 (today) went a lot better. He has REALLY been into coloring lately, so I was hoping a new coloring book would be exciting. And it was! Thanks dollar bin at Target!
So I'm doing an advent calendar this year with Jack. I didn't bother with one last year because he was only 20-ish months old and I didn't think he'd get the concept. Honestly, I wasn't so sure he'd get the concept this year either, but I figured I should start NOW in order to set the tradition. It should be good practice for next year when he'll be 3.5 and hopefully really into Christmas.
And since this was just a practice one, I didn't go all out. I used yarn I already had. I bought Christmas cards from the dollar bin in Target and got some stickers and cheap markers. As you can tell from the photo above, there's also only 9 envelopes. This is because the blasted thing will not stay UP. Alex and I have had to hang that string up a bazillion times. It's beyond annoying. I think I've finally got it secured enough with 3 of those little sticky patch things on each side (Again, we already had these laying around the house. I was going to use push pins but, surprise! We can't find them.) I have since added bows to cover up the ugly patch stuff, but haven't tried adding any more envelopes. I also didn't want to string anything lower because I was afraid Jack would just rip it all down. Also? Let's be honest, he doesn't care. AT ALL.
Here's my list of activities. You'll notice that we have "Read a new Christmas book!" several times because I bought 5 of them from the Scholastic order form at his school and have been saving them. I tried to use those on school days when he'd already have a bunch of stuff going on. I also cheated and used his Christmas program and party for school as activities even though those were going to happen anyway.
1 Read a new Christmas book!
2 Color in a new Christmas coloring book
3 Read a new Christmas book!
4 Visit Santa
5 Make an ornament
6 Read a new Christmas book!
7 Shop for a gift for cousin Abby
8 Go to the Christmas program at school
9 Buy a toy and drop it off for Toys for Tots
10 Go to a Christmas concert
11 Go see the Christmas trains
12 Make a Christmas decoration
13 Read a new Christmas book!
14 Make a Christmas card
15 Go to the Christmas party at school
16 Watch a Christmas movie
17 Bake and decorate sugar cookies
18 Read the Christmas story from your Bible
19 Make a gingerbread house
20 Read a new Christmas book!
21 Make an ornament
22 Go on a car ride to look at Christmas lights
23 Drink hot chocolate and eat a candy cane
24 Open one gift tonight
25 Merry Christmas!!!
I'm probably going to change up the order on some of these, depending on how the day is going and if we need to mix stuff up. I have yet to procure a Christmas movie, so feel free to suggest something a 2.5 year old boy who can't even finish the movie Cars and hates Toy Story might enjoy.
So how has it gone so far? Okay. Day 1 was a total bust. He was tired and grumpy by the time we got to open the envelope and he refused to unwrap the book (this one). He wasn't interested in reading it AT ALL and flipped through it quickly. I'm hoping he'll be more interested in it as the month goes on. Day 2 (today) went a lot better. He has REALLY been into coloring lately, so I was hoping a new coloring book would be exciting. And it was! Thanks dollar bin at Target!
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